College Bound

Dear Linda:

     I’ve been retired for two years and am bored stiff. I loved school and decided to go back to college—to the chagrin of my children. Is my desire so absurd, and do I get any advantages for having lots of snow on the roof?
College Bound

Dear College Bound:

       There is nothing absurd about learning, and the thirst for it doesn’t diminish with age. In fact, keeping the mind active is the key to staving off a number of age-related problems. Continuing Education is often at the top of a Retirement Checklist, and seniors make excellent students.

       The Texas Education Code allows persons 65+ to audit (full class participation but no tests) any college course with space without paying tuition or fees. For good community relations and because colleges recognize the advantage of running full classes, seniors are offered the empty seats. Ask the College Admissions Office for details about eligibility.

       For retirees interested in earning a first or subsequent degree, it’s important to evaluate skills and knowledge acquired in the work place. Your professional experience may afford you the opportunity to test out of classes. Visit www.collegeboard.com/student/testing or call 800-257-9558 for information about the College-Level Examination Program. “Clepping” out of classes can speed along the graduation process.

       Those who might have trouble getting to a college campus or think they would feel too uncomfortable in the beginning should consider Distance Learning (Online classes that connect the student to the professor via the internet). Students submit their assignments and professors correct and return them using email to communicate. Be sure that any program you choose is accredited. Visit the Council for Higher Education Accreditation at www.chea.org or call 202-955-6126 for specific information.

       Funding abounds for seniors. Visit www.usafunds.collegeanswer.com to access a database of over two million scholarships. Read 501 Ways for Adult Students to Pay for College by Gen and Kelly Tanabe and The Scholarship Scouting Report: An Insider’s Guide to America’s Best Scholarships by Ben Kaplan.

       Carpe Diem (seize the day) and worry not what others think.

Dehydration

Dear Linda:

       I’m as dried out as sandpaper. What began as a problem with small patches of dry skin has become a full-blown case of cracked and bleeding skin. I’d cry about it, but I don’t have any tears.

Scratchy in Saginaw

Dear Scratchy:

       At the very minimum, you’re dehydrated, a condition that’s not only threatening but among seniors even dangerous enough to cause hospitalization. See your primary physician for a thorough exam.

       Water, though not exactly the fountain of youth, is at least the “fount of life” and the most critical substance in the human body. Every organ, tissue and cell needs water to function. It transports nutrients, promotes digestion, and carries away waste. Controlling body temperature and ensuring proper blood volume, water keeps skin, mouth, nose and eyes moist.

       Preventing thirst is crucial, particularly for those over 60, as it suggests that the optimum level of water in our bodies (50-75% of weight) is already compromised. Seniors are at particular risk because as aging occurs, the amount of water in the body is reduced and the ability to recognize thirst signals greatly diminished.

       If enough water isn’t ingested, the body will drain the body’s organs and tissues. Symptoms are: headache, fatigue, poor circulation, muscle spasms, kidney failure, and increased body temperature and pulse rate. Weakness will escalate, and labored breathing, dizziness, and even delirium can result.

       A minimum of 64 ounces per day of water, the no-calorie beverage absorbed faster than any other, is the remedy. Milk, juices, soup, and at least five servings of fruits and vegetables (high water content) are good sources for additional fluid intake.

       Modify processes that dry skin. Wear gloves when cleaning and take warm rather than hot showers. Slather on oils or lotions before completely drying hands or body to lock in moisture.

       Read The American Dietetic Association's Complete Food & Nutrition Guide by RA Duyff for valuable information and resources.

Dear Linda:

       My 82-year-old aunt was deeply religious until the loss of her son. She's angry that her child died before she did, and she's retreated from anything spiritual. Do you have any ideas for getting her back to the church she loved?

Hope

Dear Hope:

       Perhaps the most difficult crisis a mother faces is the loss of a child, regardless of their age. The emotions felt are the deepest and most debilitating. Your aunt will need time to grieve and move through the difficult stages that end eventually with acceptance.

       Encourage her to see the doctor for a check-up as she is probably struggling with depression. Symptoms to look for are: loss of interest in activities, changes in appetite, weight and sleeping patterns, irritability, feelings of sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness or guilt.

       Clinical depression (six months or more) actually changes thinking patterns, affects perceptions, and requires some form of treatment. Often, mothers who lose children feel like they have died as well.

       Emotional support is crucial. Your aunt needs understanding and empathy, so allow her to vent her anger and express her despair. Listen without judgment or criticism. Friends from church could offer this same solace and become the bridge for her return.

       Offer to pray for her, then with her. Scientific studies show that prayer is powerful
medicine—positively affecting high blood pressure, heart attacks, headaches and anxiety. Meditative and relaxing, prayer inhibits hormones that flow from adrenal glands in response to stress. An attitude of prayerfulness, caring and compassion, for the soul who needs it, sets the stage for healing.

       Bring church to your aunt. Play songs of worship when you visit and leave behind a compilation of her favorites. Invite the pastor to come to her home. The clergy is well-trained and experienced in helping those who suffer loss and need spiritual renewal and inner healing.

       Read The Transformation of the Inner Man, The Most Comprehensive Book on Inner Healing Today, and Healing the Wounded Spirit by John and Paula Sandford. Share your insights and be patient. Your loving care will bear fruit.

Personal Emergency Response Systems

Dear Linda:
       
My grandmother fell, was unable to move initially or call anyone for hours. We’ve suggested assisted living, but she wants to remain in her home. What should we know about contact systems?
 
Her Worried Granddaughter

 
Dear Granddaughter:

Your grandmother is very lucky to have you in her life. With today's mobility, family members are not always close by to protect their elders, and, sadly and too often now, older folks are left entirely to their own devices by their own children.

Though the elderly generally like to stay in the comfort of their own home, it can be dangerous, particularly if they live alone. That is why having a Personal Emergency Response System (PERS) can be imperative. This simple electronic device enables the user to summon help in an emergency, and can be the difference between life and death.
     
A benefit to the aging or disabled, the user feels more confident and lives more safely at home for a longer time (Surveys indicate a PERS adds an average of five years of independent living.). The user’s family worries less because their loved one has access to immediate help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
     
PERS has two components. The transmitter is battery operated and activated by pressing a button. The transmitter (Be sure it’s waterproof for in the shower) can be worn around the neck, on a wrist band or belt, or in a pocket. The second component is the console which is triggered when the transmitter button is pushed.
     
When the console receives the radio signal from the transmitter, it operates as automatic dialing machine and sends an alert through any telephone to pre-selected emergency numbers. Look for systems with a long transmission range that can dial out even if the telephone is in use or off the hook.
     
A PERS can be rented or purchased. The varied equipment costs and monthly fees ($30-50) are not covered by Medicare, Medicaid or most insurance companies. Most PERS are programmed to an Emergency Response Center where the caller is identified, and the medical history and contacts are on file. The Center calls emergency services (medical, fire or police). The other alternative is to buy a no-monthly-fee system that dials emergency services directly. This can be more cost effective, so compare prices.
     
Test several systems for ease and performance. Ask about unique features and servicing. Read all agreements carefully before signing and call the Better Business Bureau to see if any complaints have been filed against companies being considered.

How to Honor Dad

Dear Linda:

       My father says that we’re not to buy him anything for Father’s Day. He’s advised us to deposit into a bank account what we would have spent on him. His attitude typifies a lifetime of putting our interests first. We want to remember the day with more than another tie or v-neck sweater. What can we buy?

Sonny in Arlington

Dear Sonny:

       Perhaps the best solution for honoring your father isn’t something you can buy in a store. Dads deserve some thought, creativity and care. After all, they put their own needs on hold, sometimes indefinitely, worked a lifetime to provide for their families, and sacrificed their own dreams to ensure those of their children.

       Send him a loving email at work the Friday before and tell him you’d like to arrange a day for just the two of you—a picnic at the Botanic Gardens, a game at the ballpark, a car trip to a place he’s never been, or a day doing whatever it is that he loves.

       Fix him his favorite meal, mow his lawn and clean out the garage, and offer to house and pet sit, so he and your mom can have a special weekend or take a trip.

       If your Dad is confined, plant a fruit or flowering bush and hang a bird feeder outside his window. He’ll enjoy the activity and become invested in the growth process.

       As people age, things become far less important. Photos, however, take on greater meaning, particularly for those who struggle with short-term memory loss. Five minutes ago may be a fog, but the distant past is remembered with crystal clarity. Make thematic scrapbooks of various special events through the years or frame a collage of his favorite pictures.

       Instead of a card, write a letter that expresses appreciation in a very specific manner. Highlight special moments you shared and recall the times that made all the difference in your life. He will cherish it forever.

Adopt A Grandparent

Dear Linda:
 
       I’m a freshman in college who was looking for a volunteer opportunity. My adviser suggested adopting-a-grandparent. I met an elderly woman with no family in my own neighborhood, and though I know I have helped my adopted grandmother, I’ve learned more from her than I can say. This special experience has turned out to be such a gift in my life, and I want others to consider doing the same.

A Grateful Teen
Dear Grateful Teen:

       It’s so heartening to hear a young person recognize the value of relationships with older people. Seniors are able to impart valuable wisdom gained from a lifetime of joy and heartache, can teach lessons learned in their work and family environments, and can share their friendship and love—capabilities that don’t diminish with age.

       Harvard University research reveals that seniors who participate in social activities, spend time with friends and family, play cards and games, and exercise will live an average of 2.5 years longer than those who are more isolated. Being cared about by even one other person spares that senior from feeling alone and vulnerable.

       Adopting-a-grandparent unites the generations. It offers young people an opportunity to receive precious gifts from seniors, and it offers seniors someone to visit and listen, help and serve, and love and comfort them—all critical for physical and emotional well-being.

       A very successful Adopt-A-Grandparent (AAGP) program was founded by Linda Lanstraat in Atlanta, Georgia in 1978. In this organization, there are three types of volunteers who give at least two hours a week—a Friend who visits the senior at home, an On-call driver who takes seniors to functions and appointments, and an AAGP Board Member who raises awareness and funds.

     Consider beginning an organization in your area or like Grateful Teen, look around neighborhood, in the church pews or loading sacs at your grocery store. Today, more and more often, the elderly are left by family members to fend for themselves, and they are struggling. When you see an old person working a job that seems too hard for them, take a moment to chat. See what you can do to help.



    
      

Getting Ready for Visits with Grandchildren

Dear Linda:
     
My grandchildren, ages 6 and 8, are coming from across the country to visit us at our lake house. It’s been decades since I’ve child-proofed. What precautions should I take?

A Happy Grandma

Dear Grandma:

For young children, there’s nothing more exciting than a visit with grandparents. Times of pampering and indulgence, novelty and undivided attention, they are often the sweetest remembrances of childhood.
     
To ensure that all goes well, it’s critical to take precautions particularly by water—tubs, pools and lakes. Don’t ever leave children unattended. If you must go, even for a moment, so should they. Insist that children always wear U.S. Coast Guard approved life vests not floaties, particularly on boats or along the shoreline where they could be washed away. Always keep rescue equipment (i.e. life preserver or shepherd’s hook) and a telephone near.
     
Tender skin must be protected. Slather children in sunscreen with at least a 15 SPF several times a day, even when it’s cloudy. Carry a bottle in the car for unexpected stops. Outfit them in brimmed hats and sunglasses. They’ll protect, and ones bought with you become special souvenirs.
     
If you take children to a playground, don’t let them wear anything with drawstrings (scarves, necklaces, belts or backpacks), and avoid straps, like on a helmet. Choose an age appropriate playground with soft surfaces like wood chips and shredded rubber, preventing falls on concrete, asphalt and even packed dirt.
     
Have children wear protective equipment (wrist guards, knee and elbow pads) when skating or riding a bicycle. Helmets reduce risk of head injury by 85% and are required by law.
     
Lock-up alcohol, medicine, household cleaning and garden chemicals, matches, lighters, candles and all fire arms. Keep knives, scissors and hot plates out of reach. Put plug guards into sockets and around fires and heaters.
     
Keep a well-stocked, first aid kit and a fire extinguisher handy. Visit www.safekids.org for more tips and safely celebrate National Children’s Day.

The Positive Effects of Being Grateful

Dear Linda:
     
My father was married for 52 years, had a wonderful career, and fathered well three children. Five strokes stole is ability to walk, swallow, and read—his favorite pastime. I’d like to help him stay positive, but his present condition seems to eclipse all that was good in his life. How can we refocus and find something for which to be grateful?

Sad for my Dad:

Dear Sad:

Though you can’t fully grasp the magnitude of your father’s feelings, treat him with as much empathy as possible. People are far more receptive to change when their present circumstance is understood and validated.
     
Your father’s losses have been terrible, so expect some of the same grief stages people experience when a love one dies—denial, anger and depression, emotions that can hinder making even the most beneficial changes. Be sure he’s had a complete examination and that appropriate medication has been prescribed.
     
Prevent isolation and inactivity. Discourage too much sleep, daydreaming, and watching TV. They are as much an escape as alcohol or drugs. Taking action instead is the best remedy.
     
Begin projects that don’t require the skills he’s lost—a new hobby, a coin or stamp collection, puzzles and crafts. Regularly attend worship services and take field trips to museum, the theater, or the library, where you can both listen to and discuss books on tape.
     
Set the example for gratitude for your dad. Express how much you appreciate all he’s done for you. Be very specific about how his help and guidance has impacted your life. Then ask him to share his stories—the mentors in his life, the pivotal moments, the best and most memorable times. Suggest writing them down in a gratitude journal, and read them aloud periodically. Read Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach for inspiration.
     
Be sure to honor his past by writing letters of gratitude to family and friends. You will find that expressing appreciation and focusing on the blessings will impact attitude, create a sense of well-being, and produce peace of mind.

Honor the Mother who Sacrificed her Life to Raise You

Dear Linda:

       My aged mother raised alone six children, who are now scattered all over the world. We don't see her much but would like to do something special for Mother's Day. Have any suggestions?

In a Quandary

Dear In a Quandary:

       If people really considered it, the job description for the role of mother (on-call 24 hours a day, seven days a week for no salary or health benefits) would send most intelligent people running for the hills.

       For their constant care and self-sacrifice, Moms ask little in return—respect, appreciation and remembrance. That can't happen, though, if they're left alone. Perhaps it’s time to ask your mom how she’d feel about living (or having extended visits) with her children. If she’s interested, devise a reasonable schedule for moving her from one child to another. The honorable responsibility for her care and attention would be divided, and the benefits, particularly for grandchildren, of multi-generational living innumerable. What a gift to all.

       Consider planning a family reunion (all her children and their families) and give her a video of the event. An embroidered or calligraphic family tree and a family portrait for her wall would be valued gifts, so be sure to have a photographer present.

       Visit www.allmothersdaygifts.com, www.everythingmothersday.com and www.theholidayspot.com/mothersday (or call 800-326-6626) for a variety of lovely keepsakes and personalized gifts.

       You might also give her certificates for a day of pampering—a manicure, pedicure and hair styling at her favorite salon, and facials, wraps and massages at a spa. Then whisk her off to a theater district for a live production, dress-up dining, and a hotel stay, or to a charming cottage or quaint Bed & Breakfast for a weekend of sightseeing or scrap booking.

       If she's not able to travel long distances, take her to brunch before church, or lunch and antiquing at a tea room. Remember to buy her a corsage to wear for her special day, and that your time and attention is the most meaningful and best remembered gift.

Spring Time Travel

Dear Linda:


       Since launching our kids and recently retiring from our jobs, my husband and I have been looking at ways to travel. We don’t want to fly, and I get sea sick. Any other ideas?

Getting Antsy

Dear Getting Antsy:

       Hop on a bus and see America! You can recline in seats that are bigger and more restful for long trips than you’ll find on airplanes, stop along the way for breaks, sightseeing, camaraderie and fun with your fellow passengers, and gaze out enormous windows that allow you to watch the changing countryside of our great land.

       Motorcoach tours are extremely popular with seniors, because bus travel is safe, comfortable, and a great way to meet new people. They offer the convenience of car travel without the drain of driving.

       Custom tours can be organized from budget to deluxe itineraries and from one day to extended holiday experiences. They range from limited to all-inclusive packages (accommodations, meals, entrance/activity fees, taxes/gratuities and an on-board tour guide). Paid for in advance, the traveler doesn’t have to guess at costs along the route.

       Luggage is handled for the traveler at each stop (bus to room and back to bus), and the traveler is given the agenda for the day that includes planned activities and free time to explore independently. Breakfast and dinner are generally the meals included in packages, and they can be tailored (i.e. low calorie or diabetic) for special needs. Be sure to discuss all requests when you book the tour.

       To locate a dependable tour company in your area, call the National Tour Association (NTA) at 800-682-8886 or visit www.ntaonline.com to search for an NTA operator in your area. Also visit this site for a list of tour companies with their internet sites from all over the country.

       Dedicated to selecting the most scenic route, the best accommodations, the finest dining, and all the must-see-sights possible, a motorcoach company makes the arrangements for a fabulous tour and resolves any concerns. The traveler just sits back and enjoys.

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Have A Blessed Easter

Next to Christmas, Good Friday and Easter are a Christian's most important celebrations. We worship Christ on Good Friday because that was the day he died an excruciating death on the Cross to atone for mankind's sins so that we would be forgiven by a Holy God.

We celebrate Easter Sunday because that was the day Jesus overcame death and rose to heaven to sit beside His Father and ours. Jesus' work on the Cross secured forgiveness of mankind's sins and His resurrection secured eternal salvation for all those who believe.

Believing is tough for those realists who require proof. I know my faith waxed and waned through my life, but finally God took off my blinders, and I stopped resisting the unmistakable evidence of His existence and operation in my life.

God has disclosed Himself to us all in various ways: through nature, a world that is so magnificent and intricate that a creator was necessary, through providential acts and miracles throughout history, and because humanity has a general moral conscience.

God has also revealed Himself through the Bible. There is no other book ever written that is so unique. Despite the facts that it was written on three continents, by 40 authors over 1600 years, it is perfectly consistent and historically accurate. Translated into 1500 languages, it is the most read book and God's message to His people about how to live, how to die and how to live forever.

I got an interesting email today that talked about laminins. They are the network of proteins that form the foundation for our cells and organs and are vital for the maintenance and survival of all tissue. They are, in fact, the integral part of the structural scaffolding in almost every tissue of an organism. Laminins are cell adhesion molecules that literally hold us together. Without them, we would fall apart.
 
Here's what's amazing--the structure of a laminin is the Cross. The very glue that holds us all together is in the shape of the Cross. Coincidence...I think not. Just read Colossians 1:15-17, New International Version (NIV) regarding The Supremacy of the Son of God.

¹⁵ The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. ¹⁶ For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. ¹⁷ He is before all things, and in him, all things hold together.

Have a blessed Easter!

The Consequence of Ungratefulness

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealers showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study, told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and how much he loved him. He handed him a beautifully wrapped gift box.

Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with his name embossed in gold.

Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, "With all your money you give me a Bible?" He stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible behind.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old. He thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. But before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to him. He needed to come home immediately and take care

of things.

When he arrived at his father's house, sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important documents and saw the Bible, new, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. His father had carefully underlined a verse, Matt 7:11, "And if ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Heavenly Father which is in Heaven, give to

those who ask Him?"

As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealers name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words... PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?

Arthritis--a real pain in the neck

Dear Linda:
       
On occasion, my wife has called me a pain in the neck. Well, I just turned 50 and know now how irritating that condition can be. I wake up stiff and sore almost every morning. Surely, I’m too young for arthritis?

Hurting in DeSoto

Dear Hurting:

Arthritis is a chronic disease (with no cure yet) that affects joints, skin and various internal organs in many people over 50. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, arthritis afflicts or severely disables over 70 million Americans.
      
Though there are more than 100 types of arthritis, the most common form is osteoarthritis, affecting the joints. They can become inflamed, swollen and stiff. Visit your doctor, who will diagnosis after blood tests and x-rays and prescribe the best treatment in your case.
      
To alleviate symptoms, reach optimum weight with low-impact, aerobic exercise like walking, biking and swimming, and lift weights to build denser bones and to strengthen muscles that protect joints. Research shows that losing as little as 11 pounds cuts risk of osteoarthritis by 50%. Stretch every thirty minutes and do range of motion exercises throughout the day to get re-energized and stay flexible. Wear braces to reduce joint stress.
      
Make better life-style choices. Turn off the TV. It slows your metabolism, encourages overeating and keeps you sedentary. Quit smoking. It causes brittle bones and reduces their mass. Throw out those three-inch heels that stress knees and your foot seven times more than a one-inch heel.
     
To avoid neck strain, use hands-free telephone headsets, position documents on computer monitors at eye level, keep your chin tucked-in and your back straight and well supported. Use a wrist rest at your computer, and avoid lifting heavy objects.
     
Arthritis can be well managed with medication, weight reduction, exercise, good nutrition and surgery. For more information, contact the Arthritis Foundation at 800-283-7800. Subscribe to their magazine Arthritis Today or order Tips for Good Living with Arthritis ($9.95), a publication filled with hundreds of tips for a more pain free and mobile life.

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Critical Information about Water and Aspirin

Dear Readers: If you have not yet read this important information, please do so and pass it on. It may save yours or another person's life.

People are adverse to drinking water before going to bed for the obvious reason, but it is a mistake, and a cardiac specialist explains why both water and aspirin are important to take at bedtime.

 

Gravity holds water in the lower part of your body when you are upright. When you lie down, the lower body is level with the kidneys; it is then that the kidneys flush the water that is filled with the toxins accumulated during the day from your body. You don't want to limit that process by taking in less water. Additionally, drinking water before bed helps to prevent leg and foot cramps caused by dehydration.

Drinking water at a certain time maximizes its effectiveness on the body:
 

2 glasses of water after waking up - helps activate internal organs

1 glass of water 30 minutes before a meal - helps digestion
1 glass of water before taking a bath - helps lower blood pressure
1 glass of water before going to bed - avoids stroke or heart attack 

Dr. Virend Somers is a Cardiologist from the Mayo Clinic and is the lead author of the report in the July 29, 2008 issue of the Journal of the American College of Cardiology. 

Most heart attacks occur in the day, generally between 6 a.m. and noon. Having one during the night, when the heart should be most at rest, means that something unusual happened.

1.  If you take an aspirin or a baby aspirin once a day, take it at night with a glass of water.
 

The reason: aspirin has a 24-hour "half-life"; therefore, if most heart attacks happen in the wee hours of the morning, the aspirin would be strongest in your system.

2.  Aspirin lasts for years in your medicine chest. When it gets old, it smells like vinegar.

3.  There are other symptoms of a heart attack besides the pain on the left arm or in the chest. One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating; however, these symptoms may occur less frequently.

 

4.  About 60% of those who do have a heart attack in their sleep, do not wake up. If the pain does wake you up, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water.

 

Afterwards: Call 911 and phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by. Say "heart attack and that you have taken 2 aspirins". Unlock the front door and take a seat on a chair or sofa nearby. DO NOT LIE DOWN!

Raising Losers

I have been teaching for 20 years and sadly (and now terrifyingly) what I have recognized is that each year the students are more ill-mannered, illiterate and ill-equipped. We baby boomers are trusting our futures to young people who will not be prepared to handle their own adulthood much less make wise and well-informed decisions for us when we're in the retirement home.

Now, there are exceptions and I have the privilege to teach a good number of them, but they are becoming the minority. The group of teens who are respectful, motivated to do well, and highly responsible is shrinking in size, and we are losing entirely the middle-class group--the strong B-C students who are hardworkers but not necessarily destined for college and much better suited for skilled work in the various trades. Today, we have a much smaller group of great kids and all the rest, who are out of control, driven by a sense of entitlement rather than earned success, and out of touch with any sort of moral compass.

The sad fact though is that it is not just the losers who cheat. Even "top" students are involved in taking the easy way out. They rationalize their behavior with suggesting the competition is better and the pressure is greater.  I have had many students tell me (and most with pride or levity) that they have cheated their way through school from as early as elementary school. They have convinced themselves that it is so critical to be on top (or even just to pass) that playing fair and following rules is just not important, in fact, has no value. The legacy of that, of course, is even the "good" kids believe the ends justify any means.

Character drives us all. Good character results in moral choices, and corrupted character ends in lying, cheating and stealing, and yet we see those very behaviors lauded on the TV, in the movies and in songs, and they played out in our society where the hard work of the melting pot generation who built America is not the respected goal. The goal is how much can I fleece from others--government, tax payers and investors. How much can I get without working? How much can I take before getting caught?

What has happened to the Americans who felt an obligation to this great country for its opportunities and a debt for the freedoms we enjoy; the Americans who knew that working hard created great modeling for their children; that working hard resulted in pride in a job well done, and that working hard created a great neighborhood, community and nation. 

Instead of raising great Americans, who are the thinkers and doers who will propel us upward, we are raising lazy losers--brats, thugs and prima donnas.

Spicing Up Your Life

Dear Linda,

       I keep hearing about the health benefits of cooking spices. It seems they cure everything from the deadliest cancers to an ailing sex life. Should I be spicing it up?
Dull in the Kitchen

Dear Dull:

       For centuries, our ancestors considered spices and herbs to be the answer to many medical problems. Over time, spices became more respected for their culinary enhancements than for their medicinal value, but researchers are promoting them again for their healing properties.

       Experts don’t suggest substituting spices (plant bark, root, bud or berry) or herbs (herbaceous plant leaves) for a healthy, well-balanced diet, and warn that consuming too much of any food additive can be risky, but advocate the use of spices for diet diversification and boosting the health value of a meal.

       Use fresh instead of processed spices and herbs. They contain higher levels of antioxidants. Buy spices whole and grind them just before use, crush dried leaves or herbs, and use whole sprigs in long-cooking dishes for maximum benefit. Add sprigs of oregano or rosemary to vegetable, rice and pasta cooking water. Herbal teas (sage, rosemary, thyme, oregano, peppermint, spearmint) retain antioxidant properties even after a 30-minute boiling time.

       For many, peppermint treats gastric and digestive disorders, tension and insomnia. Mustard relieves respiratory problems. Cayenne pepper and Tabasco sauce can increase metabolism and fat-burning ability up to 25%. Ginger inhibits nausea and vomiting often caused by morning or motion sickness. Allspice relieves indigestion and gas, and cinnamon combats diarrhea, boosts glucose metabolism, and kills bacteria and other micro-organisms. Turmeric neutralizes free radicals, protects against cancer, and is a natural anti-inflammatory. Cumin is a protective agent against carcinogenesis. Garlic can decrease blood pressure, is a natural antibiotic and beneficial in the treatment of diabetes. Oregano has 3-20 times higher antioxidant activity than other herbs.

       Consult your physician before making any dietary changes and don’t substitute spices or herbal supplements for prescribed medication. Read Spices of Life by Nina Simonds (Alfred A. Knopf) to learn recipes for a healthy lifestyle.

The Red Hat Society

Dear Linda:

       I’ve noticed senior women decked-out in colorful garb (red hats and purple clothes) clearly having a great time! What organization do they belong to and how do I join?

Looking for a Fun Club


Dear Looking for a Fun Club:

       The women you refer to are members of the Red Hat Society, a national organization for women devoted to “sisterhood and silliness”. Intent on welcoming middle-age with enthusiasm, the members gather together for teas and luncheons, dinner and dancing, movie nights and theater, conventions and speakers, spa days and even sleepovers.

       The Red Hat Society was founded to give senior women a chance to share life experiences, maximize opportunities to enjoy life. Proudly referred to as a “disorganization”, the requirements are few. You must be over 50 and attend functions in “full regalia” - red hats and purple outfits. Accessories can be as lavish as feather boas, fancy gloves, and purple pumps and pantyhose.

       For those who just can’t wait to join, junior postulates (ladies-in-waiting called Pink Hatters) are allowed conditional membership, if they agree to wear pink hats and lavender clothing until the crucial milestone—50 years and what they call Reduation!

       Organized into chapters around the world (100 in the Dallas-Fort Worth area), meetings are generally held once a month by approximately 20 women (only because bigger groups have more trouble with reservations). If a chapter near you is full, you can begin your own. The $35 registration fee includes a Purple Perks card (automatic for the “Chapter Queens”) entitling members full access to the website, participation in official events, and discounts on Red Hat merchandise, Southern Lady Magazine, Amtrak fees to name a few.

       For more information or to join in the hilarity, visit www.redhatsociety.com or call their “Hatquarters” at 714-738-0001. Read Red Hat Society’s Laugh Lines by founder and “Exalted Queen Mother”, Sue Ellen Cooper, for funny anecdotes and inspirational stories that “reshape the way women in this age group are viewed and for a refreshing and liberating attitude toward aging.”

Services for Shut-ins Faith In Action

Dear Linda:

       My mother’s 75 and lives alone. She can’t afford to hire a caregiver but desperately needs help. She’s a proud woman and deeply religious though she’s no longer able to attend church services. She’d accept help from a faith-based organization, but I’m not sure who to contact.

Out-of-State Daughter

Dear Daughter:

       Faith in Action is a national program that coalesces the power of volunteers from different faiths to serve people in need. Sponsored by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Northside Inter-Church Agency (NICA), the program provides no-cost service to low-income families, the homeless, disabled and elderly.

       Offering non-medical help, trained caregivers transport and give respite, run errands and shop, deliver monthly groceries and assist with paying bills, make assurance phone calls and home repairs, cook and do light housework in private and group homes or apartments, nursing or Hospice homes.

       While Faith in Action’s base is in Princeton, New Jersey, the program has spread to all 50 states plus Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Visit www.fiavolunteers.org.

       According to local Program Director Peggy Badlato (817-626-1102), “NICA’s mission is not only to provide emergency services and resolve short-term crises, like food and financial assistance, but also to educate, mentor and train people in need. Good Works, NICA’s program that cares for the disabled and seniors citizens, enables those in need to stay in their homes and live longer independently.”

       “When family members and health care providers cannot fill the daily needs of a member of the community, the Faith in Action volunteer fills the gaps. Most belief systems include a mandate to help others. Faith in Action connects neighbors in need with those who want to make a difference.”

Fighting Depression

Dear Linda:
      
My 68-year-old mother used to be the life of the party. Now she sleeps a lot and is blue all the time. I fear she’s depressed, and I’m worried. She refuses to go to the doctor, but reads your column religiously. What do you suggest?

A concerned daughter

Dear Concerned Daughter:
      
Depression is a serious medical illness that must be diagnosed and treated by trained professionals. If left untreated, depression, which can last months or even years, can cause unnecessary suffering for the person and their family members, worsen other diseases, lead to disability or premature death, and result in suicide (Those over 65-years-old account for more than 25% of the nation’s suicides).

Being depressed is not a normal part of aging, and it’s impossible “to just snap out of it”. Unlike sadness, which does not impact engaging in regular activities, depression interferes with the ability to function. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, other symptoms are: sadness that lasts more than two weeks, unexplained physical pain or gastrointestinal problems, excessive worry about finances and health, difficulty with sleeping and concentrating, weight changes, no interest in personal hygiene and appearance, and withdrawal from regular, social activities.

Like other illnesses, there are various types and levels of depression. Published in Cognitive Therapy and Research, a recent study determined that late-onset depression (in people over 60) can damage the brain’s executive functions (planning and control), and can spiral into excessive rumination (uncontrolled thought patterns that are repetitive, negative and destructive). Symptoms include inattention, a decline in the working memory, rigid thinking, and no inhibition.

Depression is sometimes difficult to diagnose among the aging. Rather than be considered weak or crazy, an older person usually describes physical pain to the physician rather than feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, loss of interest or prolonged grief. When properly diagnosed and treated, however, more than 80% of those suffering from depression recover fully and return to normal, productive lives.

You must convince your mom about the importance of a regular medical exam and get her to the doctor.  You might suggest that anemia, a problem with her thyroid and/or hormonal imbalance may also be contributors to her lethargy.

When you get her to the doctor, explain the symptoms and change in behavior carefully and be clear about how long it has been going on and your worry about the possibility of depression. A good anti-depressant can break the cycle of systemic depression that often results from a long term problem that has gone untreated.

Then be sure she takes her medicine as prescribed, as it takes a while to become affective, and be sure she does not stop abruptly or without the permission of her physician.

Be My Valentine

Below is a sweet letter to my column that I love to rerun at this time of the year.

Dear Linda:
My wife and I have been married for over 50 years. Valentine's Day is coming, but we're on a fixed income and splurging isn't possible. I can't think of anything that fits our budget but is special enough to show the love of my life how much I care.
From,
Wanting to be Romantic.
Dear Wanting to be Romantic:

Your desire alone to show your wife how much you love her says a great deal about you and why you have a successful marriage. Most women long to feel cherished and rarely is that about what's bought or how much is spent. Thought and effort make a woman feel valued.

Write her a love letter. Chronicle the wonderful times in your marriage, describe the qualities that make her extraordinary, and thank her for all she's done to make your life special. Personalize the salutation with an endearment and close with a promise of enduring love.

Use special stationary, spray it with cologne, and put it on her pillow so she will find it in the morning. Your words will be a blessing then and a comfort in the future whenever she rereads it.

Tell her you've planned the day--an outing to a fair, free art show or historical museum, a concert in the park or a drive in the country. Pack a picnic lunch, a thermos of hot chocolate or cappuccino, blankets and lawn chairs. Be sure to stop and watch the sunset.

Cook dinner for her. Even if you're not the best chef in the kitchen, simple fare served beautifully will be remembered. Don't forget candles (lots of little ones floating in a glass bowl are romantic), fresh flowers (less expensive bought at the grocery store), and music you can dance to afterward. Have her favorite movie to watch together and hold hands.

You will have orchestrated a day she will never forget, and said "I love you" with your every action.

A Favorite Inspirational Story

Two Men

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
     
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every after noon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by the activity and color of the world outside.
     
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the man couldn’t hear the band, he could see it clearly in his mind’s eye.
     
They shared these moments over the days and weeks that passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
     
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
     
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside that his dear friend had so beautifully described. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside his bed. It faced a blank wall.
     
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased friend to describe such wonderful things outside the window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not have even seen the wall. She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”

      Despite our own situation, there is tremendous happiness in making others happy. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared is doubled.
  

Visiting Nurses

Dear Linda:

       My sweet granny is disabled and can't leave her home. I've taken care of her for several years, but her physical problems now require professional nursing. What are my options?
Devoted Granddaughter

Dear Devoted Granddaughter:

       Historically, younger generations considered it an honor and responsibility to care for the elders in their family. This is no longer customary and the increasing number of people left alone in nursing homes is sad evidence. It's wonderful to hear about a grandchild with your level of devotion.

       You have many options for securing visiting nurses--Home Health and Staffing/Private Duty agencies, Hospice, Pharmaceutical and Infusion Therapy Companies and Registries.

       Home Health (yellow pages under that heading) agencies are regulated, supervised, and deliver a variety of services. For cases requiring more than one specialist, a caregiving team visits. These agencies investigate and supervise personnel, and assume all liability. Visit www.medicare.gov for information specific to your area.

       Hospice also offers a team approach-skilled professionals and trained volunteers providing medical, psychological and spiritual care for patients diagnosed as not-thriving or terminally-ill. Call the National Hospice Organization at 800-658-8898.

       Pharmaceutical and Infusion Therapy companies deliver drugs, equipment and professional services to patients receiving intravenous or nutritional therapies through tubes. Pharmacists with these companies prepare solutions and arrange delivery to patients. Nurses teach patients self-administration.

       The Visiting Nurse Association of America (VNAA) offers skilled care to every age group with specialties including psychiatric, palliative, wound, continence, and hospice. Visit www.vnaa.org for local chapters.

       Staffing and Private-duty agencies provide clients with nursing, homemaking and companion services. Most states don't require licensing, so ask for references and check the Better Business Bureau.

       Registries (yellow pages under nurses) serve as employment agencies matching nurses with clients for a fee. Not licensed or regulated, Registries aren't required to do background checks. Clients select provider, supervise work, and comply with regulations regarding payroll tax and social security withholding.

       Contact the National Association of Home Care at 202-547-7424 or visit www.nahc.org for additional information.

Overwhelmed Wedding Dad

Dear Linda:
 
       I have a daughter who’s getting married, a usually sane wife who seems to have gone mad, and a live-in mother who’s generally sweet but is now unbelievably irate. I’m drowning in female hormones and feeling overwhelmed.
Going Down for the Count

Dear Going Down for the Count:

      
Don’t be hard on yourself. Any of those situations would be an emotional and physical drain. Handling all three without help would make you Superman. You’ll need to simplify and share responsibilities.
      
Begin with a check-up and tell your physician what’s going on. Talking is therapeutic. Your physician can determine if you are suffering any physical or emotional trauma from too much stress—including high blood pressure or depression. Medication could be in order. Your doctor may suggest more exercise—a stress reliever, one method for releasing feel-good endorphins, and a constructive reason for escaping the craziness regularly.
      
Take Mom to the doctor, too, as a senior’s health can change quickly. If she’s fine physically, then the problem may be emotional. She may be feeling ignored. Include her in the wedding arrangements. If possible, give her a job. It will make her feel invested and important. Schedule a change of scenery during the busiest time—a visit to someone that she’s involved in planning with a friend or sibling. Aging parents need a change, and the primary caregiver needs regular respite from that role (two weeks is a minimum for rejuvenation).
      
If a trip’s not possible, consider an Adult Day Care program for a variety of support services offered in a safe environment. Companionship and attention may be all she needs. Visit the National Adult Day Services at www.nadsa.org for information.
      
Hire a wedding planner. Resorts, hotels and some restaurants offer, as an included service, a coordinator who’ll simplify decision-making and oversee implementation. Visit www.coordinatorscorner.com for listings in your area of everything from consultants to caterers. Your wife will love you for it.

Preventing Fires

Dear Linda,
       I moved my mom into a high rise with other senior citizens. I’m worried about fire. What precautions can we take?



The National Fire Protection Association reports that the number of residential fire deaths has decreased as the number of smoke detectors in homes has increased, so have the building manager attest to the proper number of detectors in the units.

Be sure your mother’s detectors work well. If they’re older than 10 years (battery operated or wired into electrical system), components aren’t reliable, and they should be replaced. If they’re new, test and vacuum monthly as dust impairs effectiveness. Replace batteries yearly.

National fire safety standards recommend a minimum of one detector on each level of the home, one detector outside bedroom area, and one in each bedroom. The detector outside bedroom area should be installed where it can be heard through a closed door.

Senior citizens are at greater risk to die in a fire than the rest of the population (more than doubling over age 75) because their thinner skin is more vulnerable, their reflexes are slower, and they’re more likely to be on medication that makes them drowsy, particularly deadly if the older person combines medication with alcohol or smoking (the leading cause of fires among seniors).

Smokers shouldn’t smoke when tired or around flammable objects. They should use deep ashtrays and check furniture for embers that can smolder for hours before bursting into flame.

Keep glasses and a phone on the bedside table, and have an escape plan. The cleanest air will be 12 inches above the floor, so practice crawling to the nearest safe exit (with a wet handkerchief over the mouth and nose). Memorize number of doors from home to lighted stairwell (Doors can be counted if it’s too dark to see). Never use elevators.

Contact the neighborhood fire station to inspect unit and the building, and for more safety recommendations. Ask them also if there are any local programs that give away smoke and carbon monoxide detectors. Your local fireman are not only a great source of information, are at the ready to check for gas leaks and to see if your equipment is reliable, but they are also the heroes who risk their lives when called to extinguish a fire. Show your appreciation to these fine men and women.

Loved this article by David K. Williams in Forbes

"It’s a brand-new year and now is the time when everyone is resolving to improve something about themselves. Rather than making a big resolution with no concrete plan on how to make it happen, why not start taking steps to change your heart instead? If you can change your way of thinking, you’ll be more likely to make big changes in your life that will actually stick instead of being forgotten by the spring.

Spend the next seven weeks changing your attitude and I promise this year will be filled with opportunities you never noticed in previous years. Focus on one new attribute each week:

Week 1: Gratitude:  Write seven things you are grateful for. Demonstrate your gratitude for at least one item on the list each day.

Week 2: Courage:  Write seven things that cause you fear or stress. Work each day to remove the illusion of fear from at least one item on the list.

Week 3: Commitment: Write seven things that have taken root in you as a result of walking in gratitude and releasing fear. Commit to creating a new path at work based on these discoveries.

Week 4: Loyalty: Write seven things you are willing to sacrifice to show your loyalty to support and uplift others. Discover and implement at least one item each day.

Week 5: Trust:  Write seven areas where your trust for yourself and others has developed and grown. Nurture each item one day at a time.

Week 6: Belief: Write seven new things you have found to believe in about yourself. Strive to increase your belief in at least one of these areas each day.

Week 7: Respect: Write the names of seven people you respect more than anyone else. Pattern your behaviors and attitudes after theirs to see what happens, focusing on one person each day.

What Can You Expect When You Reach the End of Week 7?:  You will likely lose the desire to judge others harshly and instead discover significant changes that need to occur within your heart and mind. You will no longer need to demand credit for everything you do in order to demonstrate your value to others. This journey isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about making small improvements day by day until you are surprised to find yourself standing far above where you used to be."