The Positive Effects of Being Grateful

Dear Linda:
     
My father was married for 52 years, had a wonderful career, and fathered well three children. Five strokes stole is ability to walk, swallow, and read—his favorite pastime. I’d like to help him stay positive, but his present condition seems to eclipse all that was good in his life. How can we refocus and find something for which to be grateful?

Sad for my Dad:

Dear Sad:

Though you can’t fully grasp the magnitude of your father’s feelings, treat him with as much empathy as possible. People are far more receptive to change when their present circumstance is understood and validated.
     
Your father’s losses have been terrible, so expect some of the same grief stages people experience when a love one dies—denial, anger and depression, emotions that can hinder making even the most beneficial changes. Be sure he’s had a complete examination and that appropriate medication has been prescribed.
     
Prevent isolation and inactivity. Discourage too much sleep, daydreaming, and watching TV. They are as much an escape as alcohol or drugs. Taking action instead is the best remedy.
     
Begin projects that don’t require the skills he’s lost—a new hobby, a coin or stamp collection, puzzles and crafts. Regularly attend worship services and take field trips to museum, the theater, or the library, where you can both listen to and discuss books on tape.
     
Set the example for gratitude for your dad. Express how much you appreciate all he’s done for you. Be very specific about how his help and guidance has impacted your life. Then ask him to share his stories—the mentors in his life, the pivotal moments, the best and most memorable times. Suggest writing them down in a gratitude journal, and read them aloud periodically. Read Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach for inspiration.
     
Be sure to honor his past by writing letters of gratitude to family and friends. You will find that expressing appreciation and focusing on the blessings will impact attitude, create a sense of well-being, and produce peace of mind.