Finding faith is not a quest for the faint of heart. It takes making a grand decision to do so, great perseverance, deliberate dedication, and a focus on God above all things. Hurt and pain is a very real experience in this world, and we can spend a lot of time focusing on that and the events and people who cause it, or we can learn that flawed human beings can never be the source of peace or contentment. We need to look above for that. I have learned that the hard way. I kept betting on the human being and found them lacking.
I call my process to faith a fragile one because it has been wrought with questions and doubt along the way, mostly fostered by my life experience and the people in it who should have been loving and grateful but weren't. Even now, I continue to be shocked at how cruel people can be and how easy it is for them to rationalize away their behavior. But I have learned that when I focus on God instead of man, I experience a peace that transcends the trouble they cause, a great gift I now think only God can bestow.
As I was thinking today about my journey to that truth, I felt compelled to write and the poem below was the product. I thought I would share my process with you. Perhaps you can identify.
A fragile faith built on shifting sands
shouts out at God and looks to man.
A blinded soul, a hardened heart
Belies the truth, ignores their part
A fragile faith cries tears of grief
Controlled by sadness and evil's thief;
Maddened by questions, marred by doubt
Unable to believe, accusations to shout
A fragile faith
Only changed by grace
A gift from God
So strong in place
A fragile faith, now built on rock
A member of God's grateful flock;
Hope and faith ease worldly pain
Strength and truth are what remain
Glorious God
How great you are
To transform my fragile faith;
Taking a tortured soul like me
And by your mercy set me free
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