Raising Successful Kids

There is an epidemic among kids today and it was especially evident in the malls and restaurants during this past holidayseason. Often they (there are exceptions of course) are extremely rude and disrespectful. They are certainly not well-spoken and more often than not just plain vulgar; they do not exercise even the basest level of consideration, and they are completely self-centered.

Other people’s feelings are just not important to them—the reason, I am convinced that bullying in every form is no longer an aberration but a norm. Kids are out of control, feeling entitled and just plain obnoxious, and their lack of propriety and discipline will be their demise.

The resolution to this problem begins with parents who need to recognize the severity of the problem and get back in charge. Even if your child is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, they will shine if they’re well mannered and respectful. Adults are impressed when a child’s behavior is exemplary and let’s face it; the adults in the life of a child give the feedback that impacts their self-esteem and self-image.

Teaching a child manners and appropriate behavior contributes mightily to character building. If the parent expects the child to be respectful, kind, considerate and controlled, then the child will be respectful, kind, considerate and controlled. It is just that simple and powerful, but this training (and that is what it is) must begin as early as age one and must be reinforced and modeled constantly and consistently throughout the preschool and elementary school ages.

The following are some basic guidelines that parents and grandparents should instill. Teach your child:


1. a reverence for their elders—to stand up when someone older walks into the room, to greet them politely (with words, a firm handshake or a hug), and to listen attentively even if the stories are repeats. It’s how they will learn your family’s values and history. If you teach your child that they must treat all their elders with respect, they will also treat you with respect.


2. to open doors for others, to allow elders always to go first, and to say thank you if someone opens a door for them.


3. to say hello, good-bye, have a good day, please, thank you, you’re welcome, pardon me, excuse me, may I, and I’m sorry—If you teach your child to speak respectfully, they will become considerate of others. Teaching a child to be polite and humble is a gift to them. They will become content with their circumstances, and people will treat them with respect.


4. to pay attention when spoken to—an active listener learns better, is more present in their circumstance, is more popular with their peers, and more successful in their relationships.


5. to wait—for their turn to speak, for their turn in line, and for what they want. You create a child who learns to be patient and to value what’s really important in life.


6. to honor the differences between people with respect to culture, race and religion—no name calling, not even in fun. Teasing is hurtful regardless of motivation.


7. to clean up after themselves—whether at home, at someone else’s house or at school, children should learn never to leave a mess but should instead leave things even better than they found them. You will create a child who is organized, attentive to details, and who will take pleasure in an orderly environment.


8. to be a good sport—not to gloat if they win and not to sulk if they lose, but instead to be pleasant and to congratulate.


9. to share with others—teach your child to have a generous spirit, to consider people and relationships more important than things.


10. to be honest—to share their thoughts and feelings authentically but respectfully and to follow all the rules (legal, moral and societal) to accomplish their goals.

Parents…you must start parenting. Begin teaching and training as soon as your child understands what you’re saying. When your child does something well, tell them so effusively and when they do something wrong, tell them gently and show them how it is done best and why.

Gift your children with good manners, strong values and a generous spirit and you will ensure their success.