Finding Happiness

     On December 31, we wish great happiness for the coming year to our family members, good friends and even complete strangers, if we're celebrating in places like Times Square.  We make resolutions to be better, look better or do better, all in an effort to be happier. To feel happy, some even engage in destructive behaviors like gambling or taking drugs and alcohol.

     We are a happiness driven society, and society has even defined for us what happiness looks like--money, beautiful things, good looks, success, power, and lots of relationships, so why is it surprising that when people don't have those things, they feel dissatisfied, unsuccessful and unhappy.

     Is society's definition of happiness right? Well...it is certainly easier to live if we don't have to worry about money, and it is pleasant to live among beautiful things. We do want to look and feel our best, and we stave off loneliness when we have people in our life who care about us. And we want to believe that we've not wasted our life---that we've been productive and made a valuable contribution.

     There are people who have all that society dictates. We watch their seemingly perfect lives and often covet what they have. Then, we're shocked when they risk or ruin it all. We have only to look at California or Washington to see evidence that money, fame, power or beauty does not ensure happiness.

      Then there are others we know who don't seem to have much. They struggle physically or financially. They've had to deal with tragedies or they're very much alone. But somehow they manage to stay contented and even uplifted. What's the disconnect? 

     I talk a lot about how to be happy in my book Living Agelessly, so I thought I'd include some of that information.

"Because life is an unfolding process, feelings—even the most horrific ones—are transient, so take care not to be led by them. Decide to be in charge. It is critical to put feelings into perspective, change thought patterns, and choose your actions and reactions. Take pride in the accomplishments of the past and consider them the foundation of the present. Then appreciate the present, warts and all, for without the trauma, we wouldn’t recognize the joy.

Don’t obsess about failures. It can result in depression and even debilitation. Evaluate failures so that you can learn from them, but then let them go—a new habit that you can develop and will eventually embrace (although in the beginning you might not think that’s possible). Each time a negative thought leaps to mind, choose to replace it with one that’s positive. Have at your finger tips index cards with quotes, scriptures, or excerpts from books that inspire, uplift, and regenerate your thought process.

Words are powerful. The ones you utter shape your memories, so choose your adjectives carefully when you describe your experiences, as they will be what you’ll recall. Even if life has been difficult (and for whom isn’t that true?), searching for what is positive is crucial. An example would be; “I have survived so many challenges in the last 50 years and learned so much,” rather than “My life has been one horrible problem after another.”

You will alter your life by altering your attitude. Evidence is mounting that a positive attitude not only affects the quality of and contentment with life, but also delays the aging process."

So what is the secret of happiness? I think....

• it requires putting the past into perspective, forgiving others, and not taking anything, including ourselves, quite so seriously. 
• we must choose our actions (rather than react) to whatever we face, and that those actions should be constructive.
• we have to focus only on the positive.
• and that we should be grateful each day for all that is good in our life. We can't be miserable, if we are focusing what's wonderful.

     I want make a wish for us all, and that is that we have peace and contentment in the coming year. I think that when we create that in our life, we will find happiness!