Be Thankful for Friends

We will soon celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. Besides turkey, all the fixings and my son's favorite chocolate mousse cake for dessert, my family has a tradition before eating. We pray and then share what we're most grateful for.

I took some time and thought about what else I had to be thankful for besides my family. I have a home that is lovely and a comfort to live in and share with others. I have work that I love and is a way to give back, and I have the physical health and financial security enough to allow me to live a full life. That's a lot to have, and I am truly grateful.

The most important thing to have though, as we grow older, is friends. As many of you have experienced: husbands come and go, children leave and forge their own lives, and even the most fulfilling work meets only some needs, but friends....ah, they can be the mainstay of our lives.

My oldest and very best friend of 42 years has been one of the most important constants in my life. Though she does not live close by, we talk weekly for several hours. She is the one person who knows all—the  good, the bad and the ugly, and she loves me anyway, and the reverse is true.

We have a relationship that allows telling each other the hard truth when it's been necessary, sharing in each others hardships, and earnestly cheering on the successes. It's a rare gift to have a friend such as this. Most of us can count on only one hand how often that type of relationship comes into our lives, and I am grateful to be one of them.

I am also grateful for my other girlfriends. Some I relate to often and others I see periodically, but all offer help, wisdom and laughter whenever I need it. As we grow older, it is critical to have a circle of friends on whom we can depend for these things, but, also as we grow older, having that becomes more and more difficult.

Friends we made when our kids had common activities often disappear when the activity stops. Friends move to other areas. Some of my very best friends live all over the country now, and sometimes friends are only that for a certain season in our life, and, for various reasons, the relationship stops, as sad as that can often be.

Forging and maintaining new relationships takes time and work, and often we don't have that time or the energy to do what it takes, especially when isolation is so much easier. This is dangerous thinking though especially as we grow older. It leads to fear, loneliness and depression. 

What should you do about it? 

Become a joiner: Bible study at church, the rotary if you've worked, the toastmasters group if you like speaking and listening to others, a book club if you like to read, or a social or dance group.

Don't stop learning: take classes at the college (they're often free to the older generations), learn a new craft, or take lessons in something you've always wanted to try. They say now that avoiding dementia and Alzheimer’s is as a result of learning new things. That’s what keeps the brain younger.

Make sure you have some fun: start a card group, a dinner club that forces your friends to gather regularly, and have movie parties. Don't watch your new video alone. Ask friends over, make some popcorn, and share the tears or laughter.

It doesn't take a lot of time to organize these moments, and maybe you'll be the only one of your friends who will. Don't worry about that. The dividends to you will be too great to wonder why you're the social director in your life.