Finding the Resolve

Dear Linda:


New Years is coming and like every year before, I’ll make some resolution. Though I always begin with good intentions, sadly I fizzle out after a week or two. Is there any hope of being successful or am I doomed to be a willpower failure?

Disgusted in Saginaw


Dear Disgusted:


The first resolution you should make is to be kinder to yourself. Changing behaviors is a difficult process often impacted by negative history. Expect a series of starts and stops in your development, and you won’t be so discouraged.

Understand that there’s a difference between resolution and willpower. Most resolutions are triggered by emotions, which are neither stable nor constant. When the emotion wanes or dies, so does the desire to persist.

Real willpower is not dependent on emotions. Training of the will requires decision, dedication and determination, and evolves into a powerful habit or ability over time. The resulting self-discipline taps an inner strength that can be exercised whenever required.

Begin by setting a reasonable and specific goal with a measurable outcome. For example, “improved health” is not detailed enough or quantifiable. Deciding to work-out 30 minutes a day four days a week is a realistic goal that will result in “improved health”. Put your goal in writing and post it on your bathroom mirror, refrigerator, dashboard, computer screen, and office wall as a reminder.

Remember you’re replacing an old habit with a new one, so practice and perseverance is crucial. Include incremental action steps. If you can’t exercise 30 minutes in one session, break it down into three-10 minute work-outs. Then double your effort the next week.

Share your goal with someone and create accountability. Though you shouldn’t make lifestyle changes for anyone but yourself, sharing your progress with a confidant can be encouraging. Find a buddy to join in. You’ll be more motivated and have more fun.

Keep a journal to track progress, recognize patterns, and release emotions constructively. Reward yourself as you reach milestones. You’ll deserve it.

Gifts for Those with Poor Vision

Dear Linda:


My Dad’s eyesight is failing. What can I get him for Christmas that will make life easier?

Holiday Helper

Dear Holiday Helper:

Begin by taking your dad to the ophthalmologist for an eye exam. Be sure his eyeglasses are the correct strength, and that any disease is properly diagnosed and managed. If he hasn’t been screened for glaucoma, request that test be done. Left untreated, glaucoma can result in blindness. The doctor can also assess whether your father is suffering with dry eye, a culprit in poor vision and more common among seniors.

Then fill his stocking with large-faced playing cards, a large-print check register and address book, low-vision puzzles, games and word searches.

Think big for under the tree: a large button telephone, a remote control and calculator, large-print books (including cook books), sheet music and calendars.

Enlarge the world for him. Magnifiers come in every size and shape. There are magnifying mirrors — hand-held and for on the wall, and magnifying watches with built-in flashlights. There are magnifiers that can be used for over television and computer screens, books and magazines, and medicine bottles.

Magnifiers can be hand-held or hands-free, lighted, page-size or as small as a credit card. Visit www.activeforever.com for a variety of products or call 800-377-8033.

If an unexpected voice won’t be disconcerting, consider the value of things that talk: clocks, watches, timers, indoor and outdoor thermometers, scales and Caller ID to name a few. Simple software converts a computer into a talking machine, and talking frames can put messages from family members’ within reach.

Buy books on tape and collections of music (including golden oldies and show tunes from old movies and Broadway). Old-time radio dramas and comedies are also entertaining. Visit www.wellhaven.com for other ideas or call 888-564-1500.

Remember time spent with your dad is more important than any gift, so consider tickets to a holiday show. Get seats close to the stage and bring binoculars.

Having Good Will

Dear Linda:


My son enlisted in the Army and is fighting in Afghanistan. I’m angry at him for putting himself in harm’s way and at those responsible for perpetuating the war. The Christmas season is upon us and I know I’m called by God to have Good Will for others but I’m struggling with that notion when there is no Peace on Earth. Is there something I can do to generate a feeling of Good Will? I don’t want to ruin the holidays.

Mary

Dear Mary:

You and your son are sacrificing so much for the benefit of other human beings—the greatest of which is freedom—to protect ours and accomplish theirs. For this, we are grateful beyond all words, as there aren’t any grand enough to thank a young man for risking his life and a mother for risking her child.

You are both making the ultimate sacrifice, and feelings about that can be ambivalent— pride, respect, terror, and anger. We’re afraid of losing forever that which is most precious.

You’re facing Christmas without your son. That would be a hardship for every mother, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Others will understand.

It’s also be a terrible struggle to reconcile the irony of wishing for Peace on Earth when we are at war, but wishing for peace doesn’t make it so. Sometimes we have to fight to protect it.

Good Will should not be based on circumstances. God asks that we have Good Will toward others even in the worst of times, and every day of the year, not just at Christmas.

Judging others keeps us from having Good Will. When we get past that and achieve real humility, we find that others, regardless of differences in race, religion, class and opinion, are the same at heart.

Developing the power of Good Will begins with a decision. Practicing the gift of Good Will purifies the spirit of the individual and brings peace to the world.

A Blessed Christmas to all.