Safe Havens for Children

I am seeing a disturbing trend in parenting. There was a time when life was centered around the children. Their education, giving them every opportunity, and their safety and security was the main goal and preoccupation.

Today, children are wedged into the picture that parents create for themselves. Yes, economics have made it more difficult to have a parent at home attending to the children, but I have more often than not seen both parents working, not because they have to, but because they are unwilling to deny themselves anything or because they want the second BMW in the garage.

When did it begin to change?

The first significant change in our society was when women joined the work force. At first it was because their men were off at war. When the men came home, women thought continuing to work was the avenue to self-actualization. The problem was that women only added a job to the huge workload they already had in their homes. Men were not receptive yet or trained to share in those responsibilities, so the needs of the children were not attended to in the same way because the moms were exhausted.

The next change was the ease of mobility. Parents could pick up and move quickly and easily. The extended family was destroyed and care of the children by relatives who loved them was impossible. Day care was born and children being raised by low paid, nonprofessionals was the course of action chosen. The result--children raised by strangers with a different value system and a superficial motivation--doing a job rather than raising someone they love.

Another negative trend among parents is a self-centered approach to lifestyle. Parents attend to their own needs and desires first, then the child's concerns considered. I am teaching many of those kids. They are angry because no one has cared enough to be available; no one has cared enough to set limits; no one has cared enough to parent, and the result is unprepared, out of control children with no motivation and severe behavorial problems.

Parents need to reevaluate their values and their responsibilities. If we are to raise well-educated, responsible, ethical children with self-confidence and high motivation, parents need to provide a safe and secure haven with lots of attention and care, high expectations and predictable consequences.