I have had the great fortune to travel throughout the world. I have been able to tour 25 countries, all very different in economy, terrain, sights and culture. I’ve watched eels slither in a Shanghai market, snorkeled in Montego Bay, and searched for the monster in the black waters of Lochness. I’ve been blessed by the Pope outside the Vatican, cried over the graves of young Americans buried in Normandy, and been followed by armed guards in the streets of Morocco. My travels have included one adventure after another, and each memory is a true treasure.
I am always amazed at the unique beauty of each country I have visited. I thought the view from the highlands was the most breathtaking I’d ever seen until I reached the top of Mt. Pilatus in Switzerland, and that the waters were no more crystal than off the coast of the Cayman Islands until I experienced the sparkling blue that lapped the shores of Capri.
The fragrances are just as extraordinary. The tart lemons in Pompeii; the black and foamy coffee in Turkish cafes, and the woody wines of the Burgundy vineyards all scent the air and entice the visitor.
And the flowers—well; they paint the country side with color. Miles of golden sunflowers turn their heads to the sun, thousands of blue and pink hydrangea balls line the pathways down to the beach in Biarritz, and the red poppies dot the fields and pop from every crag and crevice.
Even the wildlife colludes in creating charm. Millions of butterflies flutter throughout Assisi, playful but determined sheep dogs herd tinkling goats up the mountainside, and hundreds of white swan mount the shoreline of Lake Lucerne to visit tourists who stand ready with aromatic bread.
The beauty is indeed pervasive, and it extends to the people. I have more often than not found that stereotypes about various peoples are wrong or at least exaggerated. The French can be really helpful; the Germans can sound soft and encouraging, and Middle Eastern men can treat their women with respect.
How is it then, with all this beauty, that prejudice and resentment can even exist, much less flourish? I once thought that only Americans were bashed abroad, but it turns out that it is far more common that foreign neighbors are highly critical of each other. In fact, one of my tour directors was sure that the best part of the European Union was that it prevented war that might not otherwise be inevitable.
There is such beauty in the world, and we seem to be able to figure out how to appreciate it. I wish we extended that ability to appreciating the beauty in other people who may seem different than us and may even look different from us, but who share the same need for love, respect and acceptance.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Safe Havens for Children
I am seeing a disturbing trend in parenting. There was a time when life was centered around the children. Their education, giving them every opportunity, and their safety and security was the main goal and preoccupation.
Today, children are wedged into the picture that parents create for themselves. Yes, economics have made it more difficult to have a parent at home attending to the children, but I have more often than not seen both parents working, not because they have to, but because they are unwilling to deny themselves anything or because they want the second BMW in the garage.
When did it begin to change?
The first significant change in our society was when women joined the work force. At first it was because their men were off at war. When the men came home, women thought continuing to work was the avenue to self-actualization. The problem was that women only added a job to the huge workload they already had in their homes. Men were not receptive yet or trained to share in those responsibilities, so the needs of the children were not attended to in the same way because the moms were exhausted.
The next change was the ease of mobility. Parents could pick up and move quickly and easily. The extended family was destroyed and care of the children by relatives who loved them was impossible. Day care was born and children being raised by low paid, nonprofessionals was the course of action chosen. The result--children raised by strangers with a different value system and a superficial motivation--doing a job rather than raising someone they love.
Another negative trend among parents is a self-centered approach to lifestyle. Parents attend to their own needs and desires first, then the child's concerns considered. I am teaching many of those kids. They are angry because no one has cared enough to be available; no one has cared enough to set limits; no one has cared enough to parent, and the result is unprepared, out of control children with no motivation and severe behavorial problems.
Parents need to reevaluate their values and their responsibilities. If we are to raise well-educated, responsible, ethical children with self-confidence and high motivation, parents need to provide a safe and secure haven with lots of attention and care, high expectations and predictable consequences.
Today, children are wedged into the picture that parents create for themselves. Yes, economics have made it more difficult to have a parent at home attending to the children, but I have more often than not seen both parents working, not because they have to, but because they are unwilling to deny themselves anything or because they want the second BMW in the garage.
When did it begin to change?
The first significant change in our society was when women joined the work force. At first it was because their men were off at war. When the men came home, women thought continuing to work was the avenue to self-actualization. The problem was that women only added a job to the huge workload they already had in their homes. Men were not receptive yet or trained to share in those responsibilities, so the needs of the children were not attended to in the same way because the moms were exhausted.
The next change was the ease of mobility. Parents could pick up and move quickly and easily. The extended family was destroyed and care of the children by relatives who loved them was impossible. Day care was born and children being raised by low paid, nonprofessionals was the course of action chosen. The result--children raised by strangers with a different value system and a superficial motivation--doing a job rather than raising someone they love.
Another negative trend among parents is a self-centered approach to lifestyle. Parents attend to their own needs and desires first, then the child's concerns considered. I am teaching many of those kids. They are angry because no one has cared enough to be available; no one has cared enough to set limits; no one has cared enough to parent, and the result is unprepared, out of control children with no motivation and severe behavorial problems.
Parents need to reevaluate their values and their responsibilities. If we are to raise well-educated, responsible, ethical children with self-confidence and high motivation, parents need to provide a safe and secure haven with lots of attention and care, high expectations and predictable consequences.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Remembering Dad
One of my students shared with me that her dad passed away. Her voice was thick with emotion and her tears spilled over. It was hard to watch her pain. It was raw and really tragic. I consoled her, but after she left, I still felt sad, though not for her.
As this 18 year old shared her grief, my own surfaced. The grief about the loss of my own dad felt acute, as if he had died yesterday instead of seven years ago.
My dad was a quiet but brilliant man who bequeathed to me a love of reading and baseball. He read the newspaper from cover to cover every morning and at least one book a week, and the only time he was glued to the television was to watch the boys of summer with me. It was a magical time, memorable on so many levels.
While we watched the games, he would tell me the stories of the players lives and he would discuss the coaches. It was incredible that I would grow up and ultimately interview many of them when I became the Editor-in-Chief of the only family authorized collectors edition about Mickey Mantle after he died.
I dedicated that issue to my dad and was proud to give him the first copy off the press. He was elated and proud of me.
I miss his calm and sweet demeanor, his intellect and his dependability. When I close my eyes, I can see his face, his easy smile and twinkling eyes. I wish he were still here, and that summer and life was as sweet and innocent as it was then.
As this 18 year old shared her grief, my own surfaced. The grief about the loss of my own dad felt acute, as if he had died yesterday instead of seven years ago.
My dad was a quiet but brilliant man who bequeathed to me a love of reading and baseball. He read the newspaper from cover to cover every morning and at least one book a week, and the only time he was glued to the television was to watch the boys of summer with me. It was a magical time, memorable on so many levels.
While we watched the games, he would tell me the stories of the players lives and he would discuss the coaches. It was incredible that I would grow up and ultimately interview many of them when I became the Editor-in-Chief of the only family authorized collectors edition about Mickey Mantle after he died.
I dedicated that issue to my dad and was proud to give him the first copy off the press. He was elated and proud of me.
I miss his calm and sweet demeanor, his intellect and his dependability. When I close my eyes, I can see his face, his easy smile and twinkling eyes. I wish he were still here, and that summer and life was as sweet and innocent as it was then.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
