Below is a sweet letter to my column that I love to rerun at this time of the year.
Dear Linda:
My wife and I have been married for over 50 years. Valentine's Day is coming, but we're on a fixed income and splurging isn't possible. I can't think of anything that fits our budget but is special enough to show the love of my life how much I care.
From,
Wanting to be Romantic.
Dear Wanting to be Romantic:
Your desire alone to show your wife how much you love her says a great deal about you and why you have a successful marriage. Most women long to feel cherished and rarely is that about what's bought or how much is spent. Thought and effort make a woman feel valued.
Write her a love letter. Chronicle the wonderful times in your marriage, describe the qualities that make her extraordinary, and thank her for all she's done to make your life special. Persoanlize the salutation with an endearment and close with a promise of enduring love.
Use special stationary, spray it with cologne, and put it on her pillow so she will find it in the morning. Your words will be a blessing then and a comfort in the future whenever she rereads it.
Tell her you've planned the day--an outting to a fair, free art show or historical museum, a concert in the park or a drive in the country. Pack a picnic lunch, a thermos of hot chocolate or cappuccino, blankets and lawn chairs. Be sure to stop and watch the sunset.
Cook dinner for her. Even if you're not the best chef in the kitchen, simple fare served beautifully will be remembered. Don't forget candles (lots of little ones floating in a glass bowl are romantic), fresh flowers (less expensive bought at the grocery store), and music you can dance to afterward. Have her favorite movie to watch together and hold hands.
You will have orchestrated a day she will never forget, and said "I love you" with your every action.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Handicap Placards
There is nothing more disconcerting than seeing an abled bodied teenage swing into a handicap parking space, hop out, and race into a store. Lately, I have seen more and more people, who are not entitled, using spaces intended for the disabled, some with expired placards and others with no placard at all. This forces those who are truly disabled to have to wait long periods for an opening or to park farther away from the entrance than they can safely negotiate.
Though there are dramatic fines for parking in these spaces illegally, abusers fear little because the police have far more critical problems to resolve than patrolling parking lots. We all must help in this problem. We need to report suspected abuse to the store, and they must call the authorities immediately, so those who need these spaces available to them are protected.
The handicap parking program has been the answer for those who struggle with a disability or a challenge that has accompanied growing older. A handicap parking spot not only lessens walking and carrying distances but also enhances safety for those who are most vulnerable and at greater risk for injury.
Blue handicap license plates and placards are issued to persons with a long-term limitation or disability. The person must not be able to walk or ambulate without the assistance of a brace, cane, crutch, prosthetic device, wheelchair, or another person.
A red placard may be issued to a person who is legally blind, restricted by lung disease, uses portable oxygen, has a cardiac condition, severe arthritis, or a neurological or orthopedic condition. Inquire about guidelines in these cases.
Temporary handicap placards don’t exceed six months and are issued to those with a temporary limitation. They’re renewable, but a new application process must be completed and a doctor's approval secured.
To determine qualification, a person must be examined by a licensed physician or podiatrist who practices either in an office or hospital, including the health facilities of the Veteran’s Administration or United States military.
For those needing a placard, be sure to take application Form VTR-214 to the appointment as the doctor determines the type of disability and certifies the need. The form can be downloaded from here dot.state.tx.us/vtr/vtrreginfo.htm?pg=faq. The physician’s signature may have to be notarized. Check the requirements where this is concerned.
After the appointment, make two copies. Submit the original and one copy with $5.00 for each placard to the Tarrant County Tax Assessor-Collector (817-884-1100).
The permanent parking placard is valid for four years. To renew, the applicant presents the expired placard or a copy of the application form. A disability statement is not required for renewal.
As information varies from state-to-state and county-to-county, contact your county courthouse or the Department of Transportation for additional information.
Though there are dramatic fines for parking in these spaces illegally, abusers fear little because the police have far more critical problems to resolve than patrolling parking lots. We all must help in this problem. We need to report suspected abuse to the store, and they must call the authorities immediately, so those who need these spaces available to them are protected.
The handicap parking program has been the answer for those who struggle with a disability or a challenge that has accompanied growing older. A handicap parking spot not only lessens walking and carrying distances but also enhances safety for those who are most vulnerable and at greater risk for injury.
Blue handicap license plates and placards are issued to persons with a long-term limitation or disability. The person must not be able to walk or ambulate without the assistance of a brace, cane, crutch, prosthetic device, wheelchair, or another person.
A red placard may be issued to a person who is legally blind, restricted by lung disease, uses portable oxygen, has a cardiac condition, severe arthritis, or a neurological or orthopedic condition. Inquire about guidelines in these cases.
Temporary handicap placards don’t exceed six months and are issued to those with a temporary limitation. They’re renewable, but a new application process must be completed and a doctor's approval secured.
To determine qualification, a person must be examined by a licensed physician or podiatrist who practices either in an office or hospital, including the health facilities of the Veteran’s Administration or United States military.
For those needing a placard, be sure to take application Form VTR-214 to the appointment as the doctor determines the type of disability and certifies the need. The form can be downloaded from here dot.state.tx.us/vtr/vtrreginfo.htm?pg=faq. The physician’s signature may have to be notarized. Check the requirements where this is concerned.
After the appointment, make two copies. Submit the original and one copy with $5.00 for each placard to the Tarrant County Tax Assessor-Collector (817-884-1100).
The permanent parking placard is valid for four years. To renew, the applicant presents the expired placard or a copy of the application form. A disability statement is not required for renewal.
As information varies from state-to-state and county-to-county, contact your county courthouse or the Department of Transportation for additional information.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Childproofing
Dear Linda,
My grandchildren, ages 6 and 8, are coming from across the country to visit us at our lake house. It’s been decades since I’ve child-proofed. What precautions should I take?
A Happy Grandma
Dear Grandma:
For young children, there’s nothing more exciting than a visit with grandparents. Times of pampering and indulgence, novelty and undivided attention, they are often the sweetest remembrances of childhood.
To ensure that all goes well, it’s critical to take precautions particularly by water—tubs, pools and lakes. Don’t ever leave children unattended. If you must go, even for a moment, so should they. Insist that children always wear U.S. Coast Guard approved life vests not floaties, particularly on boats or along the shoreline where they could be washed away. Always keep rescue equipment (i.e. life preserver or shepherd’s hook) and a telephone near.
Tender skin must be protected. Slather children in sunscreen with at least a 15 SPF several times a day, even when it’s cloudy. Carry a bottle in the car for unexpected stops. Outfit them in brimmed hats and sunglasses. They’ll protect, and ones bought with you become special souvenirs.
If you take children to a playground, don’t let them wear anything with drawstrings (scarves, necklaces, belts or backpacks), and avoid straps, like on a helmet. Choose an age appropriate playground with soft surfaces like wood chips and shredded rubber, preventing falls on concrete, asphalt and even packed dirt.
Have children wear protective equipment (wrist guards, knee and elbow pads) when skating or riding a bicycle. Helmets reduce risk of head injury by 85% and are required by law.
Lock-up alcohol, medicine, household cleaning and garden chemicals, matches, lighters, candles and all fire arms. Keep knives, scissors and hot plates out of reach. Put plug guards into sockets and around fires and heaters.
Keep a well-stocked, first aid kit and a fire extinguisher handy. Visit www.safekids.org for more tips.
My grandchildren, ages 6 and 8, are coming from across the country to visit us at our lake house. It’s been decades since I’ve child-proofed. What precautions should I take?
A Happy Grandma
Dear Grandma:
For young children, there’s nothing more exciting than a visit with grandparents. Times of pampering and indulgence, novelty and undivided attention, they are often the sweetest remembrances of childhood.
To ensure that all goes well, it’s critical to take precautions particularly by water—tubs, pools and lakes. Don’t ever leave children unattended. If you must go, even for a moment, so should they. Insist that children always wear U.S. Coast Guard approved life vests not floaties, particularly on boats or along the shoreline where they could be washed away. Always keep rescue equipment (i.e. life preserver or shepherd’s hook) and a telephone near.
Tender skin must be protected. Slather children in sunscreen with at least a 15 SPF several times a day, even when it’s cloudy. Carry a bottle in the car for unexpected stops. Outfit them in brimmed hats and sunglasses. They’ll protect, and ones bought with you become special souvenirs.
If you take children to a playground, don’t let them wear anything with drawstrings (scarves, necklaces, belts or backpacks), and avoid straps, like on a helmet. Choose an age appropriate playground with soft surfaces like wood chips and shredded rubber, preventing falls on concrete, asphalt and even packed dirt.
Have children wear protective equipment (wrist guards, knee and elbow pads) when skating or riding a bicycle. Helmets reduce risk of head injury by 85% and are required by law.
Lock-up alcohol, medicine, household cleaning and garden chemicals, matches, lighters, candles and all fire arms. Keep knives, scissors and hot plates out of reach. Put plug guards into sockets and around fires and heaters.
Keep a well-stocked, first aid kit and a fire extinguisher handy. Visit www.safekids.org for more tips.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Raising Successful Kids
There is an epidemic among kids today and it was especially evident in the malls and restaurants during this past holidayseason. Often they (there are exceptions of course) are extremely rude and disrespectful. They are certainly not well-spoken and more often than not just plain vulgar; they do not exercise even the basest level of consideration, and they are completely self-centered.
Other people’s feelings are just not important to them—the reason, I am convinced that bullying in every form is no longer an aberration but a norm. Kids are out of control, feeling entitled and just plain obnoxious, and their lack of propriety and discipline will be their demise.
The resolution to this problem begins with parents who need to recognize the severity of the problem and get back in charge. Even if your child is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, they will shine if they’re well mannered and respectful. Adults are impressed when a child’s behavior is exemplary and let’s face it; the adults in the life of a child give the feedback that impacts their self-esteem and self-image.
Teaching a child manners and appropriate behavior contributes mightily to character building. If the parent expects the child to be respectful, kind, considerate and controlled, then the child will be respectful, kind, considerate and controlled. It is just that simple and powerful, but this training (and that is what it is) must begin as early as age one and must be reinforced and modeled constantly and consistently throughout the preschool and elementary school ages.
The following are some basic guidelines that parents and grandparents should instill. Teach your child:
1. a reverence for their elders—to stand up when someone older walks into the room, to greet them politely (with words, a firm handshake or a hug), and to listen attentively even if the stories are repeats. It’s how they will learn your family’s values and history. If you teach your child that they must treat all their elders with respect, they will also treat you with respect.
2. to open doors for others, to allow elders always to go first, and to say thank you if someone opens a door for them.
3. to say hello, good-bye, have a good day, please, thank you, you’re welcome, pardon me, excuse me, may I, and I’m sorry—If you teach your child to speak respectfully, they will become considerate of others. Teaching a child to be polite and humble is a gift to them. They will become content with their circumstances, and people will treat them with respect.
4. to pay attention when spoken to—an active listener learns better, is more present in their circumstance, is more popular with their peers, and more successful in their relationships.
5. to wait—for their turn to speak, for their turn in line, and for what they want. You create a child who learns to be patient and to value what’s really important in life.
6. to honor the differences between people with respect to culture, race and religion—no name calling, not even in fun. Teasing is hurtful regardless of motivation.
7. to clean up after themselves—whether at home, at someone else’s house or at school, children should learn never to leave a mess but should instead leave things even better than they found them. You will create a child who is organized, attentive to details, and who will take pleasure in an orderly environment.
8. to be a good sport—not to gloat if they win and not to sulk if they lose, but instead to be pleasant and to congratulate.
9. to share with others—teach your child to have a generous spirit, to consider people and relationships more important than things.
10. to be honest—to share their thoughts and feelings authentically but respectfully and to follow all the rules (legal, moral and societal) to accomplish their goals.
Parents…you must start parenting. Begin teaching and training as soon as your child understands what you’re saying. When your child does something well, tell them so effusively and when they do something wrong, tell them gently and show them how it is done best and why.
Gift your children with good manners, strong values and a generous spirit and you will ensure their success.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Finding the Resolve
Dear Linda:
New Years is coming and like every year before, I’ll make some resolution. Though I always begin with good intentions, sadly I fizzle out after a week or two. Is there any hope of being successful or am I doomed to be a willpower failure?
Disgusted in Saginaw
Dear Disgusted:
The first resolution you should make is to be kinder to yourself. Changing behaviors is a difficult process often impacted by negative history. Expect a series of starts and stops in your development, and you won’t be so discouraged.
Understand that there’s a difference between resolution and willpower. Most resolutions are triggered by emotions, which are neither stable nor constant. When the emotion wanes or dies, so does the desire to persist.
Real willpower is not dependent on emotions. Training of the will requires decision, dedication and determination, and evolves into a powerful habit or ability over time. The resulting self-discipline taps an inner strength that can be exercised whenever required.
Begin by setting a reasonable and specific goal with a measurable outcome. For example, “improved health” is not detailed enough or quantifiable. Deciding to work-out 30 minutes a day four days a week is a realistic goal that will result in “improved health”. Put your goal in writing and post it on your bathroom mirror, refrigerator, dashboard, computer screen, and office wall as a reminder.
Remember you’re replacing an old habit with a new one, so practice and perseverance is crucial. Include incremental action steps. If you can’t exercise 30 minutes in one session, break it down into three-10 minute work-outs. Then double your effort the next week.
Share your goal with someone and create accountability. Though you shouldn’t make lifestyle changes for anyone but yourself, sharing your progress with a confidant can be encouraging. Find a buddy to join in. You’ll be more motivated and have more fun.
Keep a journal to track progress, recognize patterns, and release emotions constructively. Reward yourself as you reach milestones. You’ll deserve it.
New Years is coming and like every year before, I’ll make some resolution. Though I always begin with good intentions, sadly I fizzle out after a week or two. Is there any hope of being successful or am I doomed to be a willpower failure?
Disgusted in Saginaw
Dear Disgusted:
The first resolution you should make is to be kinder to yourself. Changing behaviors is a difficult process often impacted by negative history. Expect a series of starts and stops in your development, and you won’t be so discouraged.
Understand that there’s a difference between resolution and willpower. Most resolutions are triggered by emotions, which are neither stable nor constant. When the emotion wanes or dies, so does the desire to persist.
Real willpower is not dependent on emotions. Training of the will requires decision, dedication and determination, and evolves into a powerful habit or ability over time. The resulting self-discipline taps an inner strength that can be exercised whenever required.
Begin by setting a reasonable and specific goal with a measurable outcome. For example, “improved health” is not detailed enough or quantifiable. Deciding to work-out 30 minutes a day four days a week is a realistic goal that will result in “improved health”. Put your goal in writing and post it on your bathroom mirror, refrigerator, dashboard, computer screen, and office wall as a reminder.
Remember you’re replacing an old habit with a new one, so practice and perseverance is crucial. Include incremental action steps. If you can’t exercise 30 minutes in one session, break it down into three-10 minute work-outs. Then double your effort the next week.
Share your goal with someone and create accountability. Though you shouldn’t make lifestyle changes for anyone but yourself, sharing your progress with a confidant can be encouraging. Find a buddy to join in. You’ll be more motivated and have more fun.
Keep a journal to track progress, recognize patterns, and release emotions constructively. Reward yourself as you reach milestones. You’ll deserve it.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Gifts for Those with Poor Vision
Dear Linda:
My Dad’s eyesight is failing. What can I get him for Christmas that will make life easier?
Holiday Helper
Dear Holiday Helper:
Begin by taking your dad to the ophthalmologist for an eye exam. Be sure his eyeglasses are the correct strength, and that any disease is properly diagnosed and managed. If he hasn’t been screened for glaucoma, request that test be done. Left untreated, glaucoma can result in blindness. The doctor can also assess whether your father is suffering with dry eye, a culprit in poor vision and more common among seniors.
Then fill his stocking with large-faced playing cards, a large-print check register and address book, low-vision puzzles, games and word searches.
Think big for under the tree: a large button telephone, a remote control and calculator, large-print books (including cook books), sheet music and calendars.
Enlarge the world for him. Magnifiers come in every size and shape. There are magnifying mirrors — hand-held and for on the wall, and magnifying watches with built-in flashlights. There are magnifiers that can be used for over television and computer screens, books and magazines, and medicine bottles.
Magnifiers can be hand-held or hands-free, lighted, page-size or as small as a credit card. Visit www.activeforever.com for a variety of products or call 800-377-8033.
If an unexpected voice won’t be disconcerting, consider the value of things that talk: clocks, watches, timers, indoor and outdoor thermometers, scales and Caller ID to name a few. Simple software converts a computer into a talking machine, and talking frames can put messages from family members’ within reach.
Buy books on tape and collections of music (including golden oldies and show tunes from old movies and Broadway). Old-time radio dramas and comedies are also entertaining. Visit www.wellhaven.com for other ideas or call 888-564-1500.
Remember time spent with your dad is more important than any gift, so consider tickets to a holiday show. Get seats close to the stage and bring binoculars.
My Dad’s eyesight is failing. What can I get him for Christmas that will make life easier?
Holiday Helper
Dear Holiday Helper:
Begin by taking your dad to the ophthalmologist for an eye exam. Be sure his eyeglasses are the correct strength, and that any disease is properly diagnosed and managed. If he hasn’t been screened for glaucoma, request that test be done. Left untreated, glaucoma can result in blindness. The doctor can also assess whether your father is suffering with dry eye, a culprit in poor vision and more common among seniors.
Then fill his stocking with large-faced playing cards, a large-print check register and address book, low-vision puzzles, games and word searches.
Think big for under the tree: a large button telephone, a remote control and calculator, large-print books (including cook books), sheet music and calendars.
Enlarge the world for him. Magnifiers come in every size and shape. There are magnifying mirrors — hand-held and for on the wall, and magnifying watches with built-in flashlights. There are magnifiers that can be used for over television and computer screens, books and magazines, and medicine bottles.
Magnifiers can be hand-held or hands-free, lighted, page-size or as small as a credit card. Visit www.activeforever.com for a variety of products or call 800-377-8033.
If an unexpected voice won’t be disconcerting, consider the value of things that talk: clocks, watches, timers, indoor and outdoor thermometers, scales and Caller ID to name a few. Simple software converts a computer into a talking machine, and talking frames can put messages from family members’ within reach.
Buy books on tape and collections of music (including golden oldies and show tunes from old movies and Broadway). Old-time radio dramas and comedies are also entertaining. Visit www.wellhaven.com for other ideas or call 888-564-1500.
Remember time spent with your dad is more important than any gift, so consider tickets to a holiday show. Get seats close to the stage and bring binoculars.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Having Good Will
Dear Linda:
My son enlisted in the Army and is fighting in Afghanistan. I’m angry at him for putting himself in harm’s way and at those responsible for perpetuating the war. The Christmas season is upon us and I know I’m called by God to have Good Will for others but I’m struggling with that notion when there is no Peace on Earth. Is there something I can do to generate a feeling of Good Will? I don’t want to ruin the holidays.
Mary
Dear Mary:
You and your son are sacrificing so much for the benefit of other human beings—the greatest of which is freedom—to protect ours and accomplish theirs. For this, we are grateful beyond all words, as there aren’t any grand enough to thank a young man for risking his life and a mother for risking her child.
You are both making the ultimate sacrifice, and feelings about that can be ambivalent— pride, respect, terror, and anger. We’re afraid of losing forever that which is most precious.
You’re facing Christmas without your son. That would be a hardship for every mother, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Others will understand.
It’s also be a terrible struggle to reconcile the irony of wishing for Peace on Earth when we are at war, but wishing for peace doesn’t make it so. Sometimes we have to fight to protect it.
Good Will should not be based on circumstances. God asks that we have Good Will toward others even in the worst of times, and every day of the year, not just at Christmas.
Judging others keeps us from having Good Will. When we get past that and achieve real humility, we find that others, regardless of differences in race, religion, class and opinion, are the same at heart.
Developing the power of Good Will begins with a decision. Practicing the gift of Good Will purifies the spirit of the individual and brings peace to the world.
A Blessed Christmas to all.
My son enlisted in the Army and is fighting in Afghanistan. I’m angry at him for putting himself in harm’s way and at those responsible for perpetuating the war. The Christmas season is upon us and I know I’m called by God to have Good Will for others but I’m struggling with that notion when there is no Peace on Earth. Is there something I can do to generate a feeling of Good Will? I don’t want to ruin the holidays.
Mary
Dear Mary:
You and your son are sacrificing so much for the benefit of other human beings—the greatest of which is freedom—to protect ours and accomplish theirs. For this, we are grateful beyond all words, as there aren’t any grand enough to thank a young man for risking his life and a mother for risking her child.
You are both making the ultimate sacrifice, and feelings about that can be ambivalent— pride, respect, terror, and anger. We’re afraid of losing forever that which is most precious.
You’re facing Christmas without your son. That would be a hardship for every mother, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Others will understand.
It’s also be a terrible struggle to reconcile the irony of wishing for Peace on Earth when we are at war, but wishing for peace doesn’t make it so. Sometimes we have to fight to protect it.
Good Will should not be based on circumstances. God asks that we have Good Will toward others even in the worst of times, and every day of the year, not just at Christmas.
Judging others keeps us from having Good Will. When we get past that and achieve real humility, we find that others, regardless of differences in race, religion, class and opinion, are the same at heart.
Developing the power of Good Will begins with a decision. Practicing the gift of Good Will purifies the spirit of the individual and brings peace to the world.
A Blessed Christmas to all.
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