Overwhelmed Wedding Dad

Dear Linda:
 
       I have a daughter who’s getting married, a usually sane wife who seems to have gone mad, and a live-in mother who’s generally sweet but is now unbelievably irate. I’m drowning in female hormones and feeling overwhelmed.
Going Down for the Count

Dear Going Down for the Count:

      
Don’t be hard on yourself. Any of those situations would be an emotional and physical drain. Handling all three without help would make you Superman. You’ll need to simplify and share responsibilities.
      
Begin with a check-up and tell your physician what’s going on. Talking is therapeutic. Your physician can determine if you are suffering any physical or emotional trauma from too much stress—including high blood pressure or depression. Medication could be in order. Your doctor may suggest more exercise—a stress reliever, one method for releasing feel-good endorphins, and a constructive reason for escaping the craziness regularly.
      
Take Mom to the doctor, too, as a senior’s health can change quickly. If she’s fine physically, then the problem may be emotional. She may be feeling ignored. Include her in the wedding arrangements. If possible, give her a job. It will make her feel invested and important. Schedule a change of scenery during the busiest time—a visit to someone that she’s involved in planning with a friend or sibling. Aging parents need a change, and the primary caregiver needs regular respite from that role (two weeks is a minimum for rejuvenation).
      
If a trip’s not possible, consider an Adult Day Care program for a variety of support services offered in a safe environment. Companionship and attention may be all she needs. Visit the National Adult Day Services at www.nadsa.org for information.
      
Hire a wedding planner. Resorts, hotels and some restaurants offer, as an included service, a coordinator who’ll simplify decision-making and oversee implementation. Visit www.coordinatorscorner.com for listings in your area of everything from consultants to caterers. Your wife will love you for it.

Preventing Fires

Dear Linda,
       I moved my mom into a high rise with other senior citizens. I’m worried about fire. What precautions can we take?



The National Fire Protection Association reports that the number of residential fire deaths has decreased as the number of smoke detectors in homes has increased, so have the building manager attest to the proper number of detectors in the units.

Be sure your mother’s detectors work well. If they’re older than 10 years (battery operated or wired into electrical system), components aren’t reliable, and they should be replaced. If they’re new, test and vacuum monthly as dust impairs effectiveness. Replace batteries yearly.

National fire safety standards recommend a minimum of one detector on each level of the home, one detector outside bedroom area, and one in each bedroom. The detector outside bedroom area should be installed where it can be heard through a closed door.

Senior citizens are at greater risk to die in a fire than the rest of the population (more than doubling over age 75) because their thinner skin is more vulnerable, their reflexes are slower, and they’re more likely to be on medication that makes them drowsy, particularly deadly if the older person combines medication with alcohol or smoking (the leading cause of fires among seniors).

Smokers shouldn’t smoke when tired or around flammable objects. They should use deep ashtrays and check furniture for embers that can smolder for hours before bursting into flame.

Keep glasses and a phone on the bedside table, and have an escape plan. The cleanest air will be 12 inches above the floor, so practice crawling to the nearest safe exit (with a wet handkerchief over the mouth and nose). Memorize number of doors from home to lighted stairwell (Doors can be counted if it’s too dark to see). Never use elevators.

Contact the neighborhood fire station to inspect unit and the building, and for more safety recommendations. Ask them also if there are any local programs that give away smoke and carbon monoxide detectors. Your local fireman are not only a great source of information, are at the ready to check for gas leaks and to see if your equipment is reliable, but they are also the heroes who risk their lives when called to extinguish a fire. Show your appreciation to these fine men and women.

Loved this article by David K. Williams in Forbes

"It’s a brand-new year and now is the time when everyone is resolving to improve something about themselves. Rather than making a big resolution with no concrete plan on how to make it happen, why not start taking steps to change your heart instead? If you can change your way of thinking, you’ll be more likely to make big changes in your life that will actually stick instead of being forgotten by the spring.

Spend the next seven weeks changing your attitude and I promise this year will be filled with opportunities you never noticed in previous years. Focus on one new attribute each week:

Week 1: Gratitude:  Write seven things you are grateful for. Demonstrate your gratitude for at least one item on the list each day.

Week 2: Courage:  Write seven things that cause you fear or stress. Work each day to remove the illusion of fear from at least one item on the list.

Week 3: Commitment: Write seven things that have taken root in you as a result of walking in gratitude and releasing fear. Commit to creating a new path at work based on these discoveries.

Week 4: Loyalty: Write seven things you are willing to sacrifice to show your loyalty to support and uplift others. Discover and implement at least one item each day.

Week 5: Trust:  Write seven areas where your trust for yourself and others has developed and grown. Nurture each item one day at a time.

Week 6: Belief: Write seven new things you have found to believe in about yourself. Strive to increase your belief in at least one of these areas each day.

Week 7: Respect: Write the names of seven people you respect more than anyone else. Pattern your behaviors and attitudes after theirs to see what happens, focusing on one person each day.

What Can You Expect When You Reach the End of Week 7?:  You will likely lose the desire to judge others harshly and instead discover significant changes that need to occur within your heart and mind. You will no longer need to demand credit for everything you do in order to demonstrate your value to others. This journey isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about making small improvements day by day until you are surprised to find yourself standing far above where you used to be."

When You Can No Longer Read

Newsline

Dear Linda:

       My mother is no longer able to see. She was an avid reader and really misses the newspaper. Is there anything I can do for her?

Robert in Richland Hills

Dear Robert:

       Yes, you can arrange the gift of information for your mom. Contact The National Federation of the Blind (NFB) about its electronic news service called NFB-Newsline. The largest accessible information service in the United States, it operates in thirty-seven states and the District of Columbia, and serves over 50,000 registered users.

       Created for people (blind or disabled) who can no longer read regular newsprint, this valuable service enables access to current events and in-depth coverage in several magazines and more than 200 daily newspapers from around the country.

       NFB-Newsline is a free service to all registered-users and has been available to the over 75,000 disabled residents of Texas since 1995. The Fort Worth Star Telegram and The Houston Chronicle are the two newspapers in Texas that are accessible.

       As a registered-user of the on-demand, telephone (touchtone) service, your mom can access the newspaper by calling a local or toll-free number on the day it’s published or at her leisure twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and she can choose to hear the whole publication or just the articles in which she is most interested.

       The cost of making this important program available to all the disabled people in Texas is only $40,000 per year. The funding had been provided by a federal grant, the Texas Commission for the Blind, and the NFB in Texas (an affiliate of the national organization). Last year, however, that funding was not forthcoming and the program in Texas was in jeopardy. Last minute donations postponed its termination and ensured another year of operation.

       Call 866-504-7300 to support this critical service and to request a brochure, an introductory cassette, a list of available newspapers in registered states, and the application for registration, which requires a letter certifying the subscriber’s disability.

Christmas Gifts for Those with Poor Vision

Dear Linda:
       
My Dad’s eyesight is failing. What can I get him for Christmas that will make life easier?
 
Holiday Helper

Dear Holiday Helper:

       Begin by taking your dad to the ophthalmologist for an eye exam. Be sure his eyeglasses are the correct strength, and that any disease is properly diagnosed and managed. If he hasn’t been screened for glaucoma, request that test be done. Left untreated, glaucoma can result in blindness. The doctor can also assess whether your father is suffering with dry eye, a culprit in poor vision and more common among seniors.

       Then fill his stocking with large-faced playing cards, a large-print check register and address book, low-vision puzzles, games and word searches.

       Think big for under the tree: a large button telephone, remote control and calculator, large-print books (including cook books), sheet music and calendars.

       Enlarge the world for him. Magnifiers come in every size and shape. There are magnifying mirrors — hand-held and for on the wall, and magnifying watches with built-in flashlights. There are magnifiers that can be used for over television and computer screens, books and magazines, and medicine bottles.

       Magnifiers can be hand-held or hands-free, lighted, page-size or as small as a credit card. Visit www.activeforever.com for a variety of products or call 800-377-8033.

       If an unexpected voice won’t be disconcerting, consider the value of things that talk: clocks, watches, timers, indoor and outdoor thermometers, scales and Caller ID to name a few. Simple software converts a computer into a talking machine, and talking frames can put messages from family members’ within reach.

       Buy books on tape and collections of music (including golden oldies and show tunes from old movies and Broadway). Old-time radio dramas and comedies are also entertaining. Visit www.wellhaven.com for other ideas or call 888-564-1500.

       Remember time spent with your dad is more important than any gift, so consider tickets to a holiday show. Get seats close to the stage and bring binoculars.

Dental Implants

Dear Linda:
       Over the years, I’ve lost several teeth, and my dentures are increasingly problematic. I’ve had sore spots and fungal infections under my dentures, difficulty with biting and chewing, and now trouble with my speech. Dental implants have been suggested. Should I consider this alternative?

Down in the Mouth in Arlington

Dear Down in the Mouth:

In addition to the problems you’ve cited, tooth loss changes facial structure resulting in muscle tone weakening and wrinkles, can result in jaw joint pain, and damage remaining healthy teeth because of excessive use, bite changes and defects in the bone.
      
According to Dr. Susan Hollar of Arlington (817-261-3392), “dental implant treatment has been recognized as a proven alternative to traditional methods of tooth replacement for over forty years, and has numerous advantages.”
      
Dental implants replace missing tooth roots, and form a stable foundation for replacement teeth that look, feel, and function like natural teeth. Dental implants preserve the remaining bone by providing the stimulation previously provided by the natural tooth roots. They also improve appearance dramatically, and are easy to clean and maintain.
      
The dental implant treatment option makes it unnecessary to grind down adjacent teeth as is done for a bridge, or to fasten a partial denture to adjacent teeth with clasps or hooks that can eventually cause those teeth to loosen. Implant–supported replacement teeth spare patients many of the disadvantages of traditional false teeth including the pain of ill-fitting dentures and partials, the frequent need for denture relines, the fear of denture slippage, and the change in facial structure.
      
The consequences of complete or partial tooth loss are many. Diagnostic aids such as a CT scan and three–dimensional models of the mouth enable the restorative doctor and surgeon to determine the best treatment options. It is imperative to see a well-trained, professional. Careful treatment planning is necessary for good and lasting results.

Avoid Being Mugged at the Mall

Dear Linda:
       
I’m 78 years-old and a seeming target for violence. I’ve been mugged at the mall twice. What can I do to protect myself?

Scared to Death

Dear Scared:
      
The most unscrupulous in society prey on those they believe to be weaker. There are precautions to prevent being vulnerable and actions to take if attacked.
      
Remember nothing is worth risking your life. If someone wants your belongings, don’t refuse, but don’t just give them over. Toss them as far away as you can, then run in the other direction.
     
Make yourself a difficult victim. Before leaving the store, consolidate packages, so they’re manageable. Have keys in hand. Walk purposefully and quickly to your car. Check underneath and inside before opening the door. Get in, lock up and leave immediately. No one will have time to get in beside you with a weapon.
      
If someone’s in the car when you get in, don’t drive off, even if they have a gun to your head. Gun the engine and speed into anything. The airbag will protect you. When the car crashes, get out and run.
      
Refuse to be taken to a second location (where a person’s often tortured, raped and killed). Instead scream, spray maze, hit the other person’s body parts with your elbows (the strongest point on your body), kick where you know it will hurt. Be as uncontrollable as you can, so the perpetrator will give up.
      
Enter your car from the passenger door if you’re parked next to a big van. Serial killers pull women in as they are attempting to get into cars.
      
If you’re thrown into the trunk, kick out the tail lights, stick your arm out the hole, and wave like crazy. Other drivers will see you and report the car license and description.
      
If you’re at all uncomfortable, call a security guard or policeman to escort you to your car. Be paranoid, be careful and be safer.