Services for Shut-ins Faith In Action

Dear Linda:

       My mother’s 75 and lives alone. She can’t afford to hire a caregiver but desperately needs help. She’s a proud woman and deeply religious though she’s no longer able to attend church services. She’d accept help from a faith-based organization, but I’m not sure who to contact.

Out-of-State Daughter

Dear Daughter:

       Faith in Action is a national program that coalesces the power of volunteers from different faiths to serve people in need. Sponsored by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Northside Inter-Church Agency (NICA), the program provides no-cost service to low-income families, the homeless, disabled and elderly.

       Offering non-medical help, trained caregivers transport and give respite, run errands and shop, deliver monthly groceries and assist with paying bills, make assurance phone calls and home repairs, cook and do light housework in private and group homes or apartments, nursing or Hospice homes.

       While Faith in Action’s base is in Princeton, New Jersey, the program has spread to all 50 states plus Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Visit www.fiavolunteers.org.

       According to local Program Director Peggy Badlato (817-626-1102), “NICA’s mission is not only to provide emergency services and resolve short-term crises, like food and financial assistance, but also to educate, mentor and train people in need. Good Works, NICA’s program that cares for the disabled and seniors citizens, enables those in need to stay in their homes and live longer independently.”

       “When family members and health care providers cannot fill the daily needs of a member of the community, the Faith in Action volunteer fills the gaps. Most belief systems include a mandate to help others. Faith in Action connects neighbors in need with those who want to make a difference.”

Fighting Depression

Dear Linda:
      
My 68-year-old mother used to be the life of the party. Now she sleeps a lot and is blue all the time. I fear she’s depressed, and I’m worried. She refuses to go to the doctor, but reads your column religiously. What do you suggest?

A concerned daughter

Dear Concerned Daughter:
      
Depression is a serious medical illness that must be diagnosed and treated by trained professionals. If left untreated, depression, which can last months or even years, can cause unnecessary suffering for the person and their family members, worsen other diseases, lead to disability or premature death, and result in suicide (Those over 65-years-old account for more than 25% of the nation’s suicides).

Being depressed is not a normal part of aging, and it’s impossible “to just snap out of it”. Unlike sadness, which does not impact engaging in regular activities, depression interferes with the ability to function. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, other symptoms are: sadness that lasts more than two weeks, unexplained physical pain or gastrointestinal problems, excessive worry about finances and health, difficulty with sleeping and concentrating, weight changes, no interest in personal hygiene and appearance, and withdrawal from regular, social activities.

Like other illnesses, there are various types and levels of depression. Published in Cognitive Therapy and Research, a recent study determined that late-onset depression (in people over 60) can damage the brain’s executive functions (planning and control), and can spiral into excessive rumination (uncontrolled thought patterns that are repetitive, negative and destructive). Symptoms include inattention, a decline in the working memory, rigid thinking, and no inhibition.

Depression is sometimes difficult to diagnose among the aging. Rather than be considered weak or crazy, an older person usually describes physical pain to the physician rather than feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, loss of interest or prolonged grief. When properly diagnosed and treated, however, more than 80% of those suffering from depression recover fully and return to normal, productive lives.

You must convince your mom about the importance of a regular medical exam and get her to the doctor.  You might suggest that anemia, a problem with her thyroid and/or hormonal imbalance may also be contributors to her lethargy.

When you get her to the doctor, explain the symptoms and change in behavior carefully and be clear about how long it has been going on and your worry about the possibility of depression. A good anti-depressant can break the cycle of systemic depression that often results from a long term problem that has gone untreated.

Then be sure she takes her medicine as prescribed, as it takes a while to become affective, and be sure she does not stop abruptly or without the permission of her physician.

Be My Valentine

Below is a sweet letter to my column that I love to rerun at this time of the year.

Dear Linda:
My wife and I have been married for over 50 years. Valentine's Day is coming, but we're on a fixed income and splurging isn't possible. I can't think of anything that fits our budget but is special enough to show the love of my life how much I care.
From,
Wanting to be Romantic.
Dear Wanting to be Romantic:

Your desire alone to show your wife how much you love her says a great deal about you and why you have a successful marriage. Most women long to feel cherished and rarely is that about what's bought or how much is spent. Thought and effort make a woman feel valued.

Write her a love letter. Chronicle the wonderful times in your marriage, describe the qualities that make her extraordinary, and thank her for all she's done to make your life special. Personalize the salutation with an endearment and close with a promise of enduring love.

Use special stationary, spray it with cologne, and put it on her pillow so she will find it in the morning. Your words will be a blessing then and a comfort in the future whenever she rereads it.

Tell her you've planned the day--an outing to a fair, free art show or historical museum, a concert in the park or a drive in the country. Pack a picnic lunch, a thermos of hot chocolate or cappuccino, blankets and lawn chairs. Be sure to stop and watch the sunset.

Cook dinner for her. Even if you're not the best chef in the kitchen, simple fare served beautifully will be remembered. Don't forget candles (lots of little ones floating in a glass bowl are romantic), fresh flowers (less expensive bought at the grocery store), and music you can dance to afterward. Have her favorite movie to watch together and hold hands.

You will have orchestrated a day she will never forget, and said "I love you" with your every action.

A Favorite Inspirational Story

Two Men

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
     
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every after noon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by the activity and color of the world outside.
     
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the man couldn’t hear the band, he could see it clearly in his mind’s eye.
     
They shared these moments over the days and weeks that passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
     
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
     
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside that his dear friend had so beautifully described. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside his bed. It faced a blank wall.
     
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased friend to describe such wonderful things outside the window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not have even seen the wall. She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”

      Despite our own situation, there is tremendous happiness in making others happy. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared is doubled.